We’re only a third of the way through the winter, and we’re heading into February, which is notoriously one of the most difficult months of the year for those of us who live in chilly places. The days are short, it’s often grey and overcast, and sometimes it’s so cold that it’s not even possible to leave the house.
This can cause depression for even the cheeriest of people, but for an older adult who may already be dealing with limited mobility or struggling with an illness, it can sometimes feel downright unbearable.
This can present a challenge for caregivers, who not only have to manage the emotions of the loved one they’re caring for, but also have to somehow process their own feelings about the season.
It’s a difficult task, but not an impossible one! And the pay off is absolutely worth it. After all, everyone deserves to feel good, and if the loved one you care for is happy, then there’s a very good chance you are going to feel happy as well. Want to know how? Read on!
1. Make Time to Listen
You might be surprised at just how impactful the act of listening can be to someone who is feeling down or isolated.
Older adults often struggle with feelings of loneliness and lack of purpose, and, even if you spend a lot of time together, you might just be going through the motions, instead of actually sitting down to spend some dedicated one on one time with your loved one.
Older adults have so many wonderful stories to share, and what better time than now to hear some of them? Put aside a little of your time each day to brew a cup of tea, sit down with your loved one and just let them talk. Ask them questions and really listen to their answers. Ask them to tell you a story, or to talk about something that brought them joy recently. And be careful not to dismiss them if they start to talk about feelings of loneliness, anxiety or sadness. Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, and a natural instinct might be to try to cheer them up, but often people can feel better simply by expressing their feelings out loud. And sometimes, after doing that the feeling doesn’t feel as big anymore, and they might be able to move past it on to other things. So, instead of jumping to another topic or rushing to cheer them up, try to validate their feelings and let them work through what they’re feeling without putting any kind of judgement on it or trying to figure out a solution. Sometimes the solution is simply being there for another person.
Healthline tells us that even small moments of connection each day can give a real boost to our mental health, so make a small effort, and potentially see huge results!
2. Encourage Your Loved One to Seek Help
Of course, there are going to be some circumstances that call for more help than you can offer, and that is when it would benefit you and your loved one to recommend that they seek the help of a professional mental health therapist or counselor. While of course you might want to help your loved one through their mental health struggles, it could be harmful to both them and to yourself if you try to guide them through trauma or other mental health issues that you don’t have the appropriate training to handle.
Instead, encourage them to reach out to Total Life, where they can find therapists who have specific training in a range of mental health conditions such as grief, life transitions and cognitive decline. Sessions are offered over the phone and may be completely covered by medicare.
There are also many community options that can provide support to older adults, such as group therapy sessions or simply events where people can get together to chat about shared experiences such as groups for veterans or for people who have lost their spouse.
If your parent is reluctant to talk to someone you might share your own experiences with how you or others you know have benefited from therapy. There is no shame in seeking help, and in fact, those who do are very brave.
3. Change Things Up
While most older adults thrive on routine, it’s also important to have things to look forward to. Anticipation can be incredibly valuable, especially when the weather is bleak and the days are beginning to feel a bit monotonous.
You don’t need to plan anything big or expensive, but planning a small outing or a fun activity can help brighten the mood of your loved one and give them something to look forward to, which can be very beneficial for mental health.
For indoor activities, you might consider something like setting up a movie night where you pop popcorn and set up a pretend movie theatre. You could even have a little door prize and set up a concession stand.
Sometime else might be arranging an arts and craft table for your loved one to spend time at every day. You might work on creating a collage or painting some winter scenes. You could even get friends and family involved and at the end have a gallery presentation in the living room.
The National Environment Education Program also talks about the many benefits that going outside has on one’s mental health, especially in regards to seasonal depression. Getting 5-10 minutes of sunlight every day can be important for balancing your mood and also making sure your body is following its proper circadian rhythm. If your loved one is mobile enough that might look like taking a short walk around the neighborhood, but if not you could set up chairs outside so that both of you could take in the sunrise or sunset. Just be sure to wrap them in lots of blankets and maybe provide them with a warm beverage as well!
If you are following the advice above and spending more time talking with them then that is a great opportunity to find out more about their interests, which you can use to help plan more enjoyable activities for them to look forward to and participate in.
4. Take Care of Yourself
It’s hard to care for someone else when you are not feeling your best. That’s why it’s so important for you to prioritize your own health as much as you are prioritizing the health of the loved one you care for.
At this point, we probably all know the things we should be doing to best care for our physical and mental health, but it’s never a bad thing to get a reminder. Plus, even if we know something is good for us, it doesn’t mean we’ll do it, so maybe let this be your nudge to take a look at your habits and make a change for the better in 2025.
- Diet. The food we eat impacts almost every element of our lives. The University of Alabama tells us that while we know that poor food choices, such as those high in fat in sugar, can lead to weight gain and heart disease, many people still aren’t aware of how much food can affect our moods and mental health. While it can be very tempting to reach for that bag of chips or that delicious looking donut, doing so might be the reason you’ve been feeling grumpy or having so much brain fog these days. Of course, you don’t want to deprive yourself of all treats, but in general we should aim for eating a diet rich in protein, fiber, good fats, such as the ones found in fish and nuts, whole grains and lots of fruit and vegetables. Yes, you can still have that burger or cupcake, but try to limit indulgences to only two or three times a week.
- Exercise. Modern advice is that we should be getting at least 30 minutes of moderate activity every day, with that exercise being a combination of cardio and strength training. And remember that is the minimum recommendation. Any excuse to move your body is a good one, whether that’s getting up to do a few stretches every hour, or parking a few blocks away from work so that you get a few extra steps in.
- Sleep. Most people need 7-9 hours of sleep each night, but the stats for Americans are not good. Over 50 million Americains struggle with sleep disorders, which can have major impacts on your overall health. If you are having consistent trouble falling asleep or getting good quality sleep, then you should visit your doctor. And in general, try to sleep in a cool, dark environment and do your best to stay off screen for at least an hour before bed.
5. Make Mental and Physical Wellness a Group Activity
While you’re focusing on your own health, why not turn it into a team sport? Sharing your own goals for your wellness can be a great way to help emotionally support your loved one, as it can help give them the push they need to focus on their own health. Of course, your exercise or diet goals might look quite a bit different from what an older adult needs, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dedicate time to the cause together.
You might set aside time for both of you to get some exercise in, or commit to making healthier meals for both of you. Of course, always check in with your loved one and their medical professionals before making any major changes to their diet or lifestyle.
You and your loved one can be accountability buddies for each other, with suggestions laid out by Forbes. This not only keeps both of you on track, but can also provide a sense of purpose for your loved one, which can be helpful for their mental health as well.
Of course, how much you intertwin your goals will depend on the health of your loved one, but even if you do it on a small scale it can be a great way to boost each others’ moods and build camaraderie.
6. Dig Deeper
Everyone has their own unique experiences and background, and there may be certain differences that could become increasingly challenging as your loved one ages. Even if they are your biological parent, there could still be many different hurdles and experiences that they faced in their lives due to their ethnicity, religion, sexuality or other factors that you might not have had to deal with in the same way due to your age or where you were brought up.
While some of these issues you may already be aware of and sensitive to, you should never assume that you know everything about your parents’ experiences. Quite often, children don’t know nearly as much about their parents as they think. So get curious. Many older adults haven’t had the opportunity to process some of the challenges they faced, and, as they get older, some of those things might bubble to the surface in unexpected ways. Is it possible for you as a caregiver to educate yourself further on these topics so that you can connect with your loved one in a more meaningful way?
Most people just want to be seen and understood, and so you can imagine how powerful it might be for you to do the research to show them how much you care about what they’ve had to go through in their lives. Sometimes this work can be painful, but quite often it is beautiful and enriching, and can help you understand your loved one on a deeper level.
7. Build That Circle
Everyone tends to function a little better when they are surrounded by the people they love, but for many older adults, they might not have quite the social circle that they used to. Some of their loved ones might have passed, and it’s also very common for older adults to move to be closer to family, which can be good in one way, but can also take them out of a familiar environment and way from friends that they were used to seeing frequently.
So, as a caregiver a great emotional support strategy can be to help your loved one connect with members of their community. This might be by helping to facilitate daily phone or video calls with family members or friends who are not able to visit in person. Or, you might connect your loved one with a community center that has specific programming for older adults. Humans need connection to survive, so help your loved one feel their best by making sure they are getting as many chances as possible to connect with others.
Everyone is going to have difficult moments during the winter, but with the above tips hopefully they will be few and far between. Just remember to have patience, kindness and love, and fun, and before you know it you’ll be seeing the first blossoms of spring.
