As individuals age the need for long-term care often increases. Sometimes this might be foreseen, as a condition might gradually worsen and the ability to plan ahead for care needs can be made many months or even years in advance. 

There may be other circumstances where the need isn’t obvious until the need is desperate. This might be due to a condition that has been hidden or downplayed by your parents, or by a condition or accident that calls for much more intensive care needs almost overnight. Sometimes, a need might have been obvious but it was ignored because the idea of next steps seemed scary, both to you and your parents. 

Regardless of how you came to be here, it’s now time to seriously consider seeking out long-term care for your parents. Put aside any shame or embarrassment you or your parents might feel, as there’s nothing to be ashamed or fearful about. Long-term care is about providing a better quality of life for your parents so they can go through this next chapter of life with as much comfort and love as possible. 

Before we touch on some of the critical signs you should look out for in your parents, it might be useful to take a look at what long-term care actually means. There are a few different care options for older adults in need of support, but long-term care is generally more extensive than other forms of care. 

Long-term care generally refers to the kind of care when your parents would be receiving some kind of support 24 hours a day. This might happen within a dedicated facility, or at home, where a nurse or care worker would always be present to see to the needs of your parents. Of course, each situation is unique so your parents might not require round the clock care, but most of the time that is what long-term care refers to. 

Even if your parents are in a situation where they require this kind of care, it doesn’t mean that they are incapable of doing anything for themselves. In fact, it’s important for everyone to have as much independence as possible, even when dealing with a serious medical condition. Long-term care simply means that there is always someone who is available to help with the tasks they need help with, or if an unexpected issue presents itself. If you do find that you are in need of support, Eldercare Locator is a good place to start. Now, let’s take a look at 5 critical signs to look out for when it comes to your parents and the need for long-term care.

1.Unable to Keep up with Demands of Daily Life

Some of the tasks that you need to take care of on a daily basis might seem effortless to you, but as someone ages, certain activities might become painful and sometimes completely impossible. This might be due to a particular medical condition, but also might be a normal part of the aging process. While healthy lifestyle choices, such as a good diet, adequate hydration, lots of exercise and a consistent sleep routine can help delay some of the natural consequences of aging, there’s a limit to how much you can stop a natural process. Plus, even if your parents engage in healthy habits, every person is going to respond to aging differently, and some may simply have a more challenging time than others. As the Mayo Clinic points out, there are many changes that happen to the body as one ages. They include a loss in bone density, cognitive decline, changes to your cardiovascular system, loss of elasticity in your bladder and eye sensitivity, among many others. 

Because of these changes, and potentially the addition of a medical condition, it’s not uncommon for many older adults to struggle with daily tasks. Here are a few to look out for. 

• Difficulty bathing or using the toilet. You might notice that your parent has stopped bathing due to fear of falling, or because they’ve already suffered some injuries in the bath or shower. They might also struggle with getting on and off the toilet and with wiping themselves appropriately afterwards. You might also notice some mess left behind as they either might not notice or might not be capable of the physical exertion required to clean up after themselves. 
• Trouble maintaining their home. You might frequently find that your parents’ home is unclear and unusually cluttered. It’s very likely that the garden and yard is also unkempt, with overgrown grass and clogged gutters. 
• Unable to cook. Cooking may have become too difficult or scary, and your parents may not be getting adequate nutrition. 
• Unable to run basic errands. It may have become too difficult for your parents to tend to errands such as grocery shopping or visiting the bank. 

Of course, it’s always important to see the bigger picture. Everybody falls behind on housework or mowing the lawn from time to time, but if you notice a consistent pattern then it’s probably time to seek out some support. 

2.Deteriorating Mental Health

Everyone has a bad day now and then, but if your parent is dealing with debilitating mental health issues, or are not able to appropriately manage their condition on their own, then it may mean that long-term care is the best option. 

Some older adults may struggle with issues such as depression or anxiety, and it may come as a surprise to those individuals who have never struggled with those kinds of issues in the past. Many older adults might find themselves struggle due to feelings of isolation as they age. This might be due to declining health that makes socializing uncomfortable, the loss of their peers, or even moving to a new community where they don’t know as many people. Injuries and illness can also bring up feelings of anxiety and depression that can sometimes be difficult to move away from. 

There also might be situations of mental health conditions that are no longer manageable as some conditions may worsen with age. Medical News Today tells us that individuals with Bipolar disorder might experience more frequent mood swings, and longer and more severe episodes, and it might be more difficult to treat than it was when someone was younger. 

If you do notice that your parents’ mental health appears to be worsening don’t jump to the worst conclusion. It may be that some lifestyle or medication adjustment is all that is needed to rectify the issue. But if there is no improvement, or if your parents are resistant to treatment, then it may be time to think about bringing in a professional who is trained on how to handle older adults with mental illness. 

3.Frequent or Unexplained Injuries

Falls are one of the common causes of injury to older adults, according to the National Institute on Health. And Injury Facts tells us that in 2023 over 40 thousand Americans over the age 65 died from falls, and another 3.5 million were hospitalized. Many end up with life-altering injuries as a result of falls. 

While falls are unfortunate, there are times when an older adult is able to bounce back and continue with life as it was. But if their fall has resulted in permanent injury, or falls are becoming a frequent occurrence, then it may no longer be safe for your parents to live on their own. Sometimes even the fear of falling may result in an older adult needing care, as the fear may overtake their life, resulting in them withdrawing from social activities and staying at home alone most of the time. 

Your parent may also frequently display signs of bruising, which could be a result of a serious medical condition that needs attention. 

If you find that your parent is often injured then it’s important to get help to make sure they are safe. And, make sure that you are aware of the people in your parents’ lives. Unfortunately, older adults may be more vulnerable to abuse, and so while any injury is a serious matter to attend to, it’s extra important to make sure that it didn’t result from any kind of physical abuse. 

4.Memory Loss and Confusion

As you read earlier, it’s perfectly normal for people to experience cognitive decline as they age. Even now you might find that you sometimes struggle to remember the name of someone you know, or suddenly blank on the lyrics to your favorite song. 

However, there’s a big difference between an occasional memory lapse and not being able to find your way back home when you go out for a walk. 

Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease are both serious conditions that can cause severe confusion, memory loss and major shifts in personality. While sometimes the progression is slow, and someone may be able to live independently or just with family support for a period of time, eventually there will be the need for a full time caregiver, and in many cases it might be the safest option to have your parent in a secure area, as dementia or Alzheimer’s patients can sometimes wander off and put themselves in grave risk due to their inability to find their way back home or effectively communicate their predicament to a stranger.

Although these are different conditions, they do share a lot of the same symptoms, which may include:

• Difficulty with focus and problem solving.
• Frequently forgetting details, names and places that should be familiar to them. They might get lost in their own neighborhood or not remember the names of close family members or what they did the day before. 
• Mood swings and personality changes. You might noticed they seem depressed and withdrawn or aggressive and agitated.
• Poor judgement. They may make decisions that seem odd and out of character for them, even reckless. 
• Language issues. They might frequently stumble over their words or even forget certain words entirely. 
• Issues with concepts. You might notice that they have a hard time grasping complex concepts, or even having trouble following the thread of a basic conversation. 

There may be some situations where an older adult is struggling with memory or confusion due to another medical condition or medication, so in some cases these symptoms may be temporary. But, even if that is the case it’s always worth paying a visit to the doctor to rule out other possibilities and to find a way to deal with the issues your parents are facing. 

5.Sudden or Complex Illness or Injury

Finally, we have sudden or complex illnesses. While any of the signs on this list can be difficult and upsetting to deal with, a sudden illness or injury can be particularly difficult to deal with as there’s no way to prepare for it. With the previous signs there’s often a lead-up to the need for long-term care. There’s a good chance you’ve already spoken with your parents or other family members about the need for care in the future, and you might even already have a solid plan in place. 

But some things you simply can’t prepare for, like a heart attack, a serious accident or stroke. These situations often require a drastic change in lifestyle and the support of full-time care. While younger adults may be able to bounce back, depending on the circumstances, for older adults the chances of there being complications as their immune systems aren’t as robust as they used to be, and healing may take a lot longer or be impossible. 

Because of this, a serious medical event can often mean that an older adult can no longer live without support. 

Of course, nobody wants to be faced with a challenge like this, and discussing this with your parents may be difficult and heartbreaking. Depending on the situation they may not even be able to make the medical choice on their own, which means that you are faced with the daunting task of setting up care that’s in their best interest. 

Even if an injury or illness isn’t sudden, there are some situations that may become too complex for your parents to handle on their own. Keeping track of medications, exercises and routines may prove too much to handle, and having the support of a nurse or caregiver can take some of that pressure off of your parent’s’ plate

Broaching the conversation about long-term care can often be sensitive, so be sure to be kind and patient with your parents. Clearly lay out your concerns, and, if possible, it might be a good idea to discuss this topic with their medical provider present, as sometimes hearing concerns from a doctor might be easier for your parents to deal with than hearing it from their own children. 

It’s never easy, but hopefully this will mean a transition to a better quality of life for your parents so you can focus on having a healthy and enjoyable relationship with them during this period of their lives. 

There’s something about spring that makes us want to open the windows, shake off the dust, and hit reset. Across cultures, spring cleaning has long symbolized a fresh start—a chance to tidy up, reorganize, and bring new energy into our homes.

But while the urge to clean and declutter might come naturally, the task itself can feel overwhelming—especially for aging parents. Even those who are relatively independent might find certain chores more difficult than they used to, whether it’s lifting heavy boxes, sorting through decades of belongings, or tackling high shelves and hard-to-reach corners.

If you’re wondering how to support your parents through this seasonal refresh without stress (for them or for you), you’re in the right place. This guide offers practical, thoughtful ways to help them enjoy the benefits of a clean and organized home—at a pace and plan that works for everyone. Let’s dive in.

Start with a Conversation

Before you jump into cleaning your parents’ home, you should sit down to have a conversation with them about what needs to be done, and who is going to take care of which task. It’s easy to step on each others’ toes and get into arguments if you don’t have a plan, so take the time to sit down with them to find out what their priorities are. And, once you’ve heard them make sure to be respectful of them. Sure, you might not care as much about going through every item stashed in the attic, but if that is what is most important to them then that needs to be prioritized. Of course, it’s important to make sure the house is generally clean for safety, such as taking care of dust and mold, and making sure there aren’t items cluttering the floor for them to trip over. However, if you think they should focus on landscaping and they don’t care about that you should probably ask yourself if they’re overgrown raspberry patch is really hurting anyone? If the answer is no then try to let it go. 

Once you have listed all of their wants for spring cleaning, you can add on any musts, such as general cleaning, and getting rid of items that are taking up excess space in the house. This is also your opportunity to suggest tasks that you think are important, just remember to drop it if your parents are not interested and it’s not of major concern. 

From there, make sure everyone knows what they’re taking care of during this spring clean. This is a great opportunity to make sure everyone is taking care of something that means something to them or that they are best suited for. Don’t take on mending the garden fence if you’ve never picked up a hammer before! And don’t offer to organize the donation bin if you know your dad is very particular about certain belongings. However, it’s important that you…

Start Small

Unless your parents live in a tiny house, it’s unlikely that all of their spring cleaning will be finished in a day, so it’s best to start with just one room or one project to begin. This is where the earlier step of prioritizing comes in handy. Something like decluttering is a good place to start, as it will immediately make the home a more enjoyable one to live in, will make it easier to do things like vacuum and dust, and will also help prevent falls and fires. To make decluttering easier, start with just one room at a time. 

There are countless articles, books, podcasts and TV shows that give advice on how to declutter. You might try the Marie Kondo method of figuring out what “sparks joy” in your life, and letting go of all the items that don’t. You might follow the idea of letting go of “just in case” items, as outlined here on The Minimalists. 

Other popular methods involve making ‘donation’ and ‘keep’ piles, commiting to filling a garbage bag, getting rid of anything that hasn’t been used in the last 90 days and so on and so on and so on. 

The right way to declutter is whatever way feels best for you. And if this is a particularly difficult task for you and your parents then don’t feel like you have to struggle through it alone! There are countless decluttering experts out there who can come in to help you declutter in an efficient way. This might be particularly helpful if your parent is struggling with grief, as you might want to bring someone who is specifically trained to handle cleaning that is coupled with such a difficult emotion. This is also a great time to mention:

Professional Help

Why should you and your parents have to handle all of this spring cleaning on your own! Whether you’re looking for some help decluttering, regrouting the bathroom tiles, or fixing up the garden shed, there is bound to be someone who is right for the job you need done! 

Of course money is often a concern, but sometimes this might need to be weighed against the costs that are already inevitable. If your parents need their carpets cleaned then you’ll already have to cover the cost of a carpet cleaning machine that might be difficult to maneuver and will already come with a high rental cost. Depending on how long the job takes to do, hiring a professional might not be all that different from renting a machine that might just give you a headache. 

There also might be certain areas of the house, such as a stove or fridge, that might require special cleaning products and techniques that you might not be able to take care of with your busy schedule, and having someone come in who knows how to take care of those tasks can alleviate a lot of stress. 

Of course, if you are getting someone to come in to do a specific task make sure you have specifically communicated with them about that activity. Most cleaners have different costs associated with different kinds of cleaning and you want to make sure you’re in agreement about what tasks are going to be completed for which costs. 

There are often cleaning services that are specifically geared towards the homes of older adults, so reach out to a local community center to see if you can be connected to some of those resources. 

Update Cleaning Products

Your parents might still be perfectly independent, but they might be dealing with stiff joints that make reaching, bending over or standing for long periods of time uncomfortable. So, take their abilities into consideration when planning this clean. 

What tasks can be done sitting? For example, they could sort through drawers or boxes while seated, which can help them to still be involved in the cleaning but in a way that’s more comfortable to them. 

You might also consider updating their cleaning products. If reaching is difficult, then why not get them an extendable duster? That way they’re not having to reach into awkward corners or risking a fall by standing on a stool to reach the ceiling. Home Instead offers some other ideas for good products like getting a lightweight or robot vacuum, and installing a dishwasher. 

You might also want to think about the kind of products that are in your parents’ home. While products like bleach or other strong cleaning products can be very useful, you want to be sure that your parents aren’t at risk of accidentally misusing any products (for example forgetting that bleach shouldn’t be mixed with vinegar and accidentally combining the two and putting their health at risk). If you have any concerns about cognitive decline in your parents then you might want to have a conversation with them about switching offer to more natural products and saving anything stronger for when you or a professional cleaner is in the house. 

Make Cleaning Fun

Just because you’re cleaning doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself! If you’re doing something tedious or unpleasant then it’s a lot more likely that stress and tension will build up and overflow. But, if you make spring cleaning into an enjoyable activity for everyone then the stress will magically fade away, and spring cleaning might actually turn into an event that everyone looks forward to! 

Here are a few ideas for how you can level up your spring cleaning:

• Pump those tunes. Make a groovy playlist that everyone can listen to to inspire their cleaning. If you know what everyone enjoys then you can make a playlist, or you can ask everyone to tell you three songs that they enjoy and add it to the list. This means everyone will have something to look forward to and you never know, you might be introduced to some amazing new music! 
• Podcasts. Spring cleaning is the perfect time to binge that new true crime podcast. You can even make it into a game where everyone gets to make a prediction on what is going to happen next. 
• Prizes. Who doesn’t love a prize? Whoever cleans their room the best/fastest/whatever you’d like gets a prize! 
• Schedule frequent breaks. Decide on how often it is useful for everyone to take breaks. This might be every 20 minutes or every 2 hours! 
• Take time together at the end of the day. Order some pizza, have a cup of tea or a beer and enjoy this time together in appreciation of a job well done. 

Humans like having things to look forward to, so if cleaning is looked at like something that will bring them joy, then it’ll be a lot easier to get it done!

Offer to Do Those Annoying Tasks

Yes, you are already being kind by providing help to your parents, so it might be tempting to go with the easiest tasks. But, if you really are keen to help, and you want to do it with the least amount of stress possible, then why not just offer to do the jobs that nobody else really wants to do? It’ll take stress off of your parents and honestly will only be a couple of hours out of your day. And, at the end of you can feel really good about helping them to do something they needed. 

Hot tip: What is considered annoying to you might not be annoying to your parents. You might hate vacuuming but your mom doesn’t mind it at all, so be sure to check in before volunteering to do something that won’t make a difference to them either way. 

Let It Go

There may be some things that you think your parents should take care of, such as repainting their kitchen or washing all of their curtains. And, while those might be things that would make their house look nice, it’s important to remember the advice from the beginning of this piece – is it a safety issue? If not, does it really matter? 

How you run your house is going to be different to how your parents run theirs, and it’s important for you to accept that. You can repaint your own kitchen, but, unless there’s a valid reason, aside from your personal preference, for your parents to do so, just let it go. It won’t be worth the stress on you and your parents’ relationship. 

Instead, when thinking about cleaning think about these things:

• Safety. Focus on keeping things free of dust, mold, mildew, tripping and fire hazards. 
• Enjoyment. What makes your parents happy? What matters to them? 

Once you’ve covered those two items, maybe they’ll be a few extra things you’ll add on. Maybe washing those curtains isn’t actually such a big deal – and they’ll look a lot nicer, too! But, the second those things do become a big deal make like Elsa from Frozen and just let it go. 

With these tips hopefully spring cleaning with your aging parents becomes an easy and perhaps even an enjoyable activity that you can move through with ease. After all, it’s always a bit easier to smile when the sun is shining!

We’re only a third of the way through the winter, and we’re heading into February, which is notoriously one of the most difficult months of the year for those of us who live in chilly places. The days are short, it’s often grey and overcast, and sometimes it’s so cold that it’s not even possible to leave the house. 

This can cause depression for even the cheeriest of people, but for an older adult who may already be dealing with limited mobility or struggling with an illness, it can sometimes feel downright unbearable. 

This can present a challenge for caregivers, who not only have to manage the emotions of the loved one they’re caring for, but also have to somehow process their own feelings about the season. 

It’s a difficult task, but not an impossible one! And the pay off is absolutely worth it. After all, everyone deserves to feel good, and if the loved one you care for is happy, then there’s a very good chance you are going to feel happy as well. Want to know how? Read on!

1. Make Time to Listen

You might be surprised at just how impactful the act of listening can be to someone who is feeling down or isolated. 

Older adults often struggle with feelings of loneliness and lack of purpose, and, even if you spend a lot of time together, you might just be going through the motions, instead of actually sitting down to spend some dedicated one on one time with your loved one. 

Older adults have so many wonderful stories to share, and what better time than now to hear some of them? Put aside a little of your time each day to brew a cup of tea, sit down with your loved one and just let them talk. Ask them questions and really listen to their answers. Ask them to tell you a story, or to talk about something that brought them joy recently. And be careful not to dismiss them if they start to talk about feelings of loneliness, anxiety or sadness. Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, and a natural instinct might be to try to cheer them up, but often people can feel better simply by expressing their feelings out loud. And sometimes, after doing that the feeling doesn’t feel as big anymore, and they might be able to move past it on to other things. So, instead of jumping to another topic or rushing to cheer them up, try to validate their feelings and let them work through what they’re feeling without putting any kind of judgement on it or trying to figure out a solution. Sometimes the solution is simply being there for another person.

Healthline tells us that even small moments of connection each day can give a real boost to our mental health, so make a small effort, and potentially see huge results!

2. Encourage Your Loved One to Seek Help

Of course, there are going to be some circumstances that call for more help than you can offer, and that is when it would benefit you and your loved one to recommend that they seek the help of a professional mental health therapist or counselor. While of course you might want to help your loved one through their mental health struggles, it could be harmful to both them and to yourself if you try to guide them through trauma or other mental health issues that you don’t have the appropriate training to handle.

Instead, encourage them to reach out to Total Life, where they can find therapists who have specific training in a range of mental health conditions such as grief, life transitions and cognitive decline. Sessions are offered over the phone and may be completely covered by medicare. 

There are also many community options that can provide support to older adults, such as group therapy sessions or simply events where people can get together to chat about shared experiences such as groups for veterans or for people who have lost their spouse. 

If your parent is reluctant to talk to someone you might share your own experiences with how you or others you know have benefited from therapy. There is no shame in seeking help, and in fact, those who do are very brave. 

3. Change Things Up

While most older adults thrive on routine, it’s also important to have things to look forward to. Anticipation can be incredibly valuable, especially when the weather is bleak and the days are beginning to feel a bit monotonous.

You don’t need to plan anything big or expensive, but planning a small outing or a fun activity can help brighten the mood of your loved one and give them something to look forward to, which can be very beneficial for mental health. 

For indoor activities, you might consider something like setting up a movie night where you pop popcorn and set up a pretend movie theatre. You could even have a little door prize and set up a concession stand. 

Sometime else might be arranging an arts and craft table for your loved one to spend time at every day. You might work on creating a collage or painting some winter scenes. You could even get friends and family involved and at the end have a gallery presentation in the living room. 

The National Environment Education Program also talks about the many benefits that going outside has on one’s mental health, especially in regards to seasonal depression. Getting 5-10 minutes of sunlight every day can be important for balancing your mood and also making sure your body is following its proper circadian rhythm. If your loved one is mobile enough that might look like taking a short walk around the neighborhood, but if not you could set up chairs outside so that both of you could take in the sunrise or sunset. Just be sure to wrap them in lots of blankets and maybe provide them with a warm beverage as well!

If you are following the advice above and spending more time talking with them then that is a great opportunity to find out more about their interests, which you can use to help plan more enjoyable activities for them to look forward to and participate in. 

4. Take Care of Yourself

It’s hard to care for someone else when you are not feeling your best. That’s why it’s so important for you to prioritize your own health as much as you are prioritizing the health of the loved one you care for. 

At this point, we probably all know the things we should be doing to best care for our physical and mental health, but it’s never a bad thing to get a reminder. Plus, even if we know something is good for us, it doesn’t mean we’ll do it, so maybe let this be your nudge to take a look at your habits and make a change for the better in 2025. 

• Diet. The food we eat impacts almost every element of our lives. The University of Alabama tells us that while we know that poor food choices, such as those high in fat in sugar, can lead to weight gain and heart disease, many people still aren’t aware of how much food can affect our moods and mental health. While it can be very tempting to reach for that bag of chips or that delicious looking donut, doing so might be the reason you’ve been feeling grumpy or having so much brain fog these days. Of course, you don’t want to deprive yourself of all treats, but in general we should aim for eating a diet rich in protein, fiber, good fats, such as the ones found in fish and nuts, whole grains and lots of fruit and vegetables. Yes, you can still have that burger or cupcake, but try to limit indulgences to only two or three times a week.
• Exercise. Modern advice is that we should be getting at least 30 minutes of moderate activity every day, with that exercise being a combination of cardio and strength training. And remember that is the minimum recommendation. Any excuse to move your body is a good one, whether that’s getting up to do a few stretches every hour, or parking a few blocks away from work so that you get a few extra steps in. 
• Sleep. Most people need 7-9 hours of sleep each night, but the stats for Americans are not good. Over 50 million Americains struggle with sleep disorders, which can have major impacts on your overall health. If you are having consistent trouble falling asleep or getting good quality sleep, then you should visit your doctor. And in general, try to sleep in a cool, dark environment and do your best to stay off screen for at least an hour before bed. 

5. Make Mental and Physical Wellness a Group Activity 

While you’re focusing on your own health, why not turn it into a team sport? Sharing your own goals for your wellness can be a great way to help emotionally support your loved one, as it can help give them the push they need to focus on their own health. Of course, your exercise or diet goals might look quite a bit different from what an older adult needs, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dedicate time to the cause together. 

You might set aside time for both of you to get some exercise in, or commit to making healthier meals for both of you. Of course, always check in with your loved one and their medical professionals before making any major changes to their diet or lifestyle. 

You and your loved one can be accountability buddies for each other, with suggestions laid out by Forbes. This not only keeps both of you on track, but can also provide a sense of purpose for your loved one, which can be helpful for their mental health as well. 

Of course, how much you intertwin your goals will depend on the health of your loved one, but even if you do it on a small scale it can be a great way to boost each others’ moods and build camaraderie. 

6. Dig Deeper

Everyone has their own unique experiences and background, and there may be certain differences that could become increasingly challenging as your loved one ages. Even if they are your biological parent, there could still be many different hurdles and experiences that they faced in their lives due to their ethnicity, religion, sexuality or other factors that you might not have had to deal with in the same way due to your age or where you were brought up. 

While some of these issues you may already be aware of and sensitive to, you should never assume that you know everything about your parents’ experiences. Quite often, children don’t know nearly as much about their parents as they think. So get curious. Many older adults haven’t had the opportunity to process some of the challenges they faced, and, as they get older, some of those things might bubble to the surface in unexpected ways. Is it possible for you as a caregiver to educate yourself further on these topics so that you can connect with your loved one in a more meaningful way? 

Most people just want to be seen and understood, and so you can imagine how powerful it might be for you to do the research to show them how much you care about what they’ve had to go through in their lives. Sometimes this work can be painful, but quite often it is beautiful and enriching, and can help you understand your loved one on a deeper level. 

7. Build That Circle

Everyone tends to function a little better when they are surrounded by the people they love, but for many older adults, they might not have quite the social circle that they used to. Some of their loved ones might have passed, and it’s also very common for older adults to move to be closer to family, which can be good in one way, but can also take them out of a familiar environment and way from friends that they were used to seeing frequently. 

So, as a caregiver a great emotional support strategy can be to help your loved one connect with members of their community. This might be by helping to facilitate daily phone or video calls with family members or friends who are not able to visit in person. Or, you might connect your loved one with a community center that has specific programming for older adults. Humans need connection to survive, so help your loved one feel their best by making sure they are getting as many chances as possible to connect with others. 

Everyone is going to have difficult moments during the winter, but with the above tips hopefully they will be few and far between. Just remember to have patience, kindness and love, and fun, and before you know it you’ll be seeing the first blossoms of spring. 

So, you feel like your parent could benefit from therapy, but you are worried about broaching the topic? Your fear is completely understandable. Although therapy has been shown to be remarkably effective in helping to alleviate mental health issues, according to Psychology Today there is still a lot of resistance to giving it a go. There are, of course, many different reasons for why some people are reluctant to try speaking with a therapist. This might come from a stigma they associate with seeking help. They might worry that others will look down on them or judge them. Your parent might also be in denial that they need any help or think that seeking out the support of a therapist might make them look weak. There are also worries regarding the cost, the work involved, and just a plain old fear of change.

It’s perfectly natural for people, especially older adults, to be scared of trying something new, especially something that they might have a lot of misconceptions about. But, if you feel that your parent could benefit from therapy then it’s well worth pushing against their reservations to encourage them towards something that could potentially be life changing. However, tackling this subject takes understanding and compassion, so let’s take a look at how you can best approach this subject matter without your parent shutting you down. 

Normalize

Before you bring up the subject with your parent, try your best to normalize therapy in your everyday conversations. This isn’t about being sneaky, but bringing it up casually might help it seem a little bit more normal to them, and maybe even a little boring! If you bring up the idea of them going to therapy and it’s something you’ve never spoken about before then they might feel a little blindsighted, but if it’s something you’ve mentioned occasionally then the idea of them doing it might not seem so bizarre to them. Who knows, you bringing it up might make them curious enough to look into it on their own!

A great way to normalize therapy for your parent is by talking about your own experiences with it, or the experiences of your friends. Of course this doesn’t mean sharing any sensitive information, only something you or the people you know would be fine sharing publicly. If you think your parent could benefit from therapy then it’s highly likely you think that because you yourself did, so why not share that with them? Sometimes people can feel cornered by someone else, and as though there is something wrong with them. By sharing that it’s something you have experienced and it’s been helpful with battling your anxiety, depression, or just working through a tough situation, then it might help your parent see that therapy isn’t something they have to be scared of. 

Another helpful way to normalize this subject is to talk about the celebrities who go to therapy. Many people look to celebrities for advice and trends, and for your parent, hearing that someone they admire has sought help might make them more inclined to do it themselves. You can find several articles that talk about which celebrities have spoken openly about therapy, such as this piece by Williamsburg Therapy Group.

Consider Time and Place

When thinking about sitting down with your parent for the conversation about therapy, you’ll want to plan out an appropriate time and place to do so. You should make sure you’re bringing it up in a private and comfortable environment so that they don’t feel attacked or unable to properly express themselves in response.

Talking to your parent in their or your home, while out for a walk, or in a private corner of a restaurant could all be good options. Also think about when you’re bringing it up. Are you pressed for time? Is your parent feeling particularly stressed about something? While you might be suggesting therapy due to stress, it’s still important to wait for a time when they’re more relaxed to bring up the topic. If they’re in a state of stress or panic it could be more likely that they get defensive and shut down your suggestion, whereas if they’re relaxed then they might be more open to the idea of trying something new. 

Regardless of where and when you choose to bring up going to therapy, you should have some sort of plan about how you’re going to talk to them about it. No, you don’t have to prepare a memorized script, but do have an idea of your rough talking points. This brings us to our next point…

Be Specific

There’s obviously a reason why you think your parent should go to therapy, and it’s important that you share that reason with them. It might be tempting to remain vague, and just say that you think therapy would be helpful to them in general, but if you don’t give them a reason then it’s much easier for them to question why you would be bringing it up in the first place. Of course, even if you give a specific reason that doesn’t mean there’s any guarantee that they’ll go, but at least they can’t claim there is no reason for them to! 

Language is particularly important here, as it can be easy for a loved one to become angry and defensive. When talking about sensitive subjects it’s very important to not get accusatory. Instead, talk about the impact their actions have on you and why you think they would benefit from therapy. For example, saying “I worry that you have seemed withdrawn recently, and I think therapy could help you get back to enjoying the things you love” would probably go over much better than saying something like “you’ve been super antisocial and I hate that!” One is coming from a place of worry and kindness, while the other, even if coming from the same place, reads as much more judgemental. 

 Of course, you know your parent best, so you are probably already aware of the kind of communication they respond best to, but it’s still important to prepare. Write down some of your concerns and how you want to address them. If nothing else, your parent will probably appreciate that you have been worried enough to bring up your concerns. Everybody wants to know that people are thinking about them. 

Do Your Research

If you want your parent to get into therapy then it would be a wise idea to do some research on the topic so you can provide them with resources. Sometimes an older adult might be open to the idea of seeking help, but they don’t want to do the work to find that help on their own, so having all the information readily available to them can be incredibly helpful. 

By referring your parent to a site like Total Life, you can help them see just how easy reaching a therapist can be. Total Life offers countless qualified therapists who specialize in dealing with the unique issues that older adults face, like difficult life transitions and grief. Looking at the options on the site might also help put some of their fears, such as what it will cost, to rest. Total Life can offer up to 100% coverage to those enrolled in Medicare. 

Of course there are also other options, such as in-person, group therapy, and even some more diverse options such as animal therapy. Reach out to your community and ask at local recreation or senior centers to find out what is available in your area. Then, you can present your parent with a few pamphlets or websites for them to look at in their own time. 

Bringing resources for your parent shows them that this is something you care deeply about and have spent some time on, and could help them take your suggestion more seriously. 

Reframe the Conversation

Anyone who’s stuck in the idea that going to therapy is weak or will result in them being judged is probably going to be resistant to even talking or thinking about their mental health. But what if you could get them to think about it as just another form of selfcare. Because that’s exactly what it is!

Talk about all the ways your parent keeps up with their health or appearance, or even the appearance of their home. For example, most people bathe regularly, which is showing care for one’s body. The same is true for brushing one’s teeth to avoid cavities, or brushing one’s hair to avoid knots. Shaving, putting on hand lotion, laundering clothes, tidying one’s room and doing the dishes – those are all part of caring for oneself and are a form of self love and self care. So, why doesn’t the mind deserve the same kind of love and attention? 

Our brains work so hard for us! They control our thoughts, movements, memories, digestive system and even the beating of our hearts! Doesn’t such a hard worker deserve some support? 

If you can get your parent to see caring for their minds as just another form of maintenance, like taking their car to the mechanic, then it might be easier for them to accept the idea of getting help. 

Accept Their Timing

If therapy is something scary to your parent, or something they’ve never ever thought about, then it’s very unlikely that they are going to rush out to sign up. Instead, it’s much more likely that this is a conversation that you might have to bring up again and again. Be gentle and keep it brief, but be persistent, remembering to stay specific and focused on how to bring it up in the most supportive way.

There may even be a time where you have to give it a rest. You can’t force someone to get help, no matter how much they might need it, so if you sense that they are getting too frustrated or overwhelmed with your suggestion, then you might want to drop the subject and bring it up another time. Everyone moves at their own pace, and you have to respect that. 

Get Curious

Sometimes people might be struggling with their mental health and not even realize it, so asking your parent questions about how they’re feeling can have a powerful impact. 

This is a great way to start up a conversation therapy, but can also be useful if your parent is pushing back against the idea. Ask them if they are happy with how their life is going, and if there is anything that they would like to be different about how they’re feeling. Sometimes this is all it takes for someone to realize that they are always waking up tired, or that they feel generally disinterested in doing much with their day. Most people aren’t going to be happy with that, but they might need to be asked the question for them to really take an in-depth look at their life. 

It’s crucial that you take this as an opportunity to listen and not judge – this is not an “I told you so!” moment. Your parent is likely to feel emotional and maybe even ashamed at this realization, so try to just be supportive and appreciative that they’re willing to share something so vulnerable.

What Else Can You Offer?

The last suggestion we’ll leave you with today is to think about how else you can support your parent on their therapy journey. You might suggest that the two of you attend therapy together, or you could offer to take them to appointments the first few times so that they don’t feel so nervous when heading somewhere new. Here are a few other ways that you could offer support to your parent when they’re starting out on their mental health journey. 

• Buy them a journal. A journal is a great place to write down one’s thoughts and emotions, and might even be a good starting place for your parent if they don’t feel ready to visit a therapist just yet. WebMD tells us that journaling can help with emotional regulation and can ease symptoms of anxiety.
• Offer to meet with them after their therapy appointments to give support. Maybe plan a regular coffee date or something like an exercise class to help them process their emotions in a healthy way.

Of course it’s important to only offer what you feel capable of providing to your parent. If you make a promise and then aren’t able to keep it then that could be damaging to an already fragile situation. Be very clear with your boundaries and what help you are able to give. You can also ask your parent what would be helpful to them as they might have some ideas that you hadn’t thought of. But again, just be mindful of your limits. 

Even if your parent does agree to go to therapy, change doesn’t happen overnight, so don’t forget to be patient. Older adults have had a lifetime to build up their habits and beliefs, so you can’t expect them to suddenly become a brand new person with no anxieties. But, with a little bit of patience and kindness, you can help them find a little bit more balance and joy, week by week.

It’s never easy to watch the people we love suffer. It’s normal to want to offer help and support to our family and friends when we see them struggling, and accepting that help when it’s needed is an important function of society. There’s absolutely no shame in getting help, but unfortunately a lot of older adults have trouble accepting help, especially if it’s coming from their children. 

While this might be frustrating, try to put yourself in your mom or dad’s shoes. They’ve spent their lives being the grown up, the one that you can rely on, and now suddenly it’s you they have to rely on instead of the other way around. That can be a difficult pill to swallow, so many parents try to shut their children down and refuse help instead of accepting that they are growing older and that it’s natural for relationships to change with time. Northwestern Medicine lays out several other reasons why older adults might struggle to accept help as well, such as not wanting to be a burden, and fear of losing independence. 

With this thought in mind let’s look at the steps you should take if you find that your parents are being resistant to help. Hopefully with a bit of time they will change their mind, but if not, it’s important to do everything you can to still support them so that there is someone there for them whenever they might be in need. 

Listen

One of the best things you can do when you are in a disagreement with someone is to stop and listen to them, and really, truly listen. You probably mean well, but we can often become a little blinded when it comes to the people we love, and you might be so overcome with your desire to help that you have actually stopped paying attention to what your parents want and need. If your parents are refusing help then instead of getting angry and trying to force the issue, set aside some time to take them out for coffee and ask them how they’re feeling. You might discover that what you thought was a problem is actually not bothering them all that much, or that what they need help with is really something else. You might have seized upon an issue and just decided what they needed, instead of doing some real investigating. And, understandably it resulted in some push back. 

Most people just want to be heard, and your parents are no different. If you truly want to be of help to them, then ask how you can be, and hear them if they tell you that they’re actually doing OK. You can’t force someone to accept your help, even if you really believe that they need it. Plus, if you have an open and honest conversation you might find that your parents really are all right on their own. This is also a great opportunity to find out if there is anything that your parents do feel they need your help with. Think about your own life, hasn’t there been a time where you really needed a hand but then you were supported in the wrong way? That was probably super annoying! So, listen to your parents – you might be surprised by what they have to say. 

Provide Resources

Sometimes your parents might want to get help, but are too embarrassed to admit it to you. However, if this is the case then instead of constantly asking them if they need help, make sure that they have everything they need to be able to get the support they need, even if it means doing it in private. 

Consider making a list of resources for them. This might look like researching assisted living homes on sites such as A Place for Mom, or where to look to find a caregiver that can come to their home. It might look like researching personal trainers, dietitians, or therapists. Be as thorough as you can, and be sure to include important information such as who accepts Medicare and whether or not the therapist they’re looking into covers topics such as grief and depression.

It might be easier for your parents to seek help if they are given time and space on their own to look over their options, so give them everything they need to do that. Many older adults will likely prefer a folder with hard copies of these resources, but if you know they’re more likely to use an email then that is another good option. 

Bring in Backup

Just as your parents might need some help, you might need some help to get them that help. Try saying that five times fast! Your parents might not be super responsive if you’re the only person in their lives who are bringing up these issues, but if several other people voice similar concerns then it’s probably going to make it a bit harder for them to ignore. This doesn’t mean you need to stage a full-scale intervention, but sitting your parents down for a conversation with your siblings or a few of their trusted friends might be more impactful than if you were to bring up your worries on your own. 

The additional benefit to doing this is that you are also showing your parents that they have a strong support network, and it can also help put your mind at ease to know that there are other people who care just as deeply about your parents’ health.   

If you are planning to go this route then here are a few things to keep in mind:

• What are your major concerns – you don’t want to be searching for words when addressing your parents, so make sure you and everyone else know the points you want to cover
• What are some solutions – if your parents are open to getting help then they might not immediately want solutions, but it’s still a good idea to have an idea of what you think a good resolution is. It’s not particularly useful to bring up an issue but not offer any way of solving it. 
• How would your parents want you to approach this? Only bring this subject up in a place where your parents can feel comfortable and safe to express their feelings. This might look like bringing it up over dinner, while out for a walk, or through a goofy powerpoint. You know your parents the best, so you can devise the way in which it will be best received. 
• Anticipate that your parents might feel defensive. Allow space for them to express their hurt and anger, and then calmly reiterate the reason why you are having this conversation in the first place. 

There’s no reason why you should have to try to help your parents all on your own. Bring in the other members of their community to help.

Another Kind of Backup…

While the perfect scenario is of course your parent agreeing to get help, there are going to be some parents who simply won’t be budged. In that case, not only is it good to have backup, but it’s also good to have a backup…plan. 

If your parents refuse help you don’t want to be scrambling to find care providers when things start to go downhill. If you took the earlier advice of making a list of resources, then you’re already well on your way to having a good backup plan. A backup plan is a great thing to discuss with the rest of your parents’ network so that everybody is on the same page about what to do if one of your parents has an injury or is experiencing a dramatic reduction in their physical or cognitive abilities. Some people avoid making a backup plan because they don’t want to think about the unpleasant circumstances that would necessitate its use, but it’s going to be unpleasant either way…So, what do you think will be worse – things goings badly and having no plan, or things going badly and knowing exactly what your next move is?

Prioritize 

It may be true that your parents need help with many things, but it can also be true that not all of those things are going to be of equal importance right now. If you are finding your parents to be highly resistant to the idea of getting help, then it might be a good idea to only focus on the issue that is the most urgent. That doesn’t mean you forget about the other problems, but if your parent has a serious medical condition that they’re not getting treatment for, then that is a lot less pressing then them not being able to mow their lawn regularly anymore. Focus on the most urgent issue. Lay out all of your concerns, and tell your parents exactly what is likely to happen if they leave the matter unaddressed. Be patient but persistent, and don’t allow yourself to be distracted by the other matters that you feel your parents need help with. Sometimes people might refuse help because they’re overwhelmed with all of the things in their lives that they feel are spiraling out of control. By narrowing the issue down to one thing it might make it feel easier to tackle. Then, once that matter is being attended to you can go down the list of items one by one. 

Be Honest

It can be easy to place blame on others, and tell your parents how irresponsible they’re being with their lives. It’s a lot harder to be vulnerable enough to talk about how upsetting it is to see your own parents growing older and being unable to care for themselves in the way they used to. But, even though it’s hard, that vulnerability might be the key to getting your parents to finally accept some help. 

People tend to respond a lot better to kindness and vulnerability than they do to anger. As Mindful Health Solutions tells us, honesty is especially important for building trust. Try sitting your parents down and telling them how scared you are about their failing health. Talk about all the things you fear you’ll miss with them if they don’t accept help. This isn’t about guilt tripping them, but about being truly honest about your fears. Why are you so worried about your parents, and what are they risking? Do they love being active, but they’re not treating a health condition like diabetes that could result in them being unable to continue to do the activities they love? Are they engaging in unhealthy habits that could mean they die before they are able to have a relationship with their grandchildren? Do they have failing eyesight that is making driving dangerous to themselves and others, but they are refusing to give up their license? There are so many valid concerns to have about your parents getting older, but each case is going to be unique. Be honest about what it is that is concerning you. Make sure you’re coming at it from a place of love and compassion. This is about you wanting to make sure you have more time with them, and that they get to keep on living a vibrant and enjoyable life for as long as possible. Sometimes people just need to be shown something in a different frame for them to really see it. 

Find Acceptance

Sometimes, you’ll do everything you can to support your parents, and they simply will not accept it. While we never want that to be the outcome, at a certain point there’s nothing more that you can do. Remind your parents periodically that you’ll always be there if they need you, but aside from that, sometimes you’ll just have to let it go and find a way to accept the situation. Although it can be challenging, finding acceptance can actually lower stress and increase happiness, as outlined by Psychology Today. 

You might also consider putting up boundaries around how you will interact with your parents. If they are not willing to get help for a medical condition, then you aren’t willing to discuss it with them. If they won’t get a caregiver to help them with some of their more sensitive needs, then you are not going to help them bathe. It can be difficult to put up these boundaries, but they are necessary to avoid additional pain if your parents are refusing to change. Seeking out the help of your loved ones and a professional therapist is very useful in these situations. 

It’s always challenging when your parents refuse to get help, but just know that you are not alone. Many other adult children are struggling with this exact same issue. And, determined as you may be, it wouldn’t be out of this world to imagine that you might be just as stubborn and headstrong several decades down the line. It’s hard to come to terms with all the changes that come with aging, and some people just need a bit more time to adjust. With these tips, hopefully the process can move a little bit more smoothly.