The most wonderful time of the year is often the most stressful, especially for caregivers who end up having a lot more on their plate than usual.
Caregivers are busy at the best of times, but holidays introduce the pressure of attending social events, children’s concerts, finding time to buy gifts, and meal planning for all those decadent holiday meals. This often results in caregivers facing extreme exhaustion and burnout over the holidays, which is the exact opposite of a peaceful season!
You deserve to enjoy the holiday season along with everybody else, and the good news is that that is completely possible! With a little bit of planning and a commitment to yourself, you can navigate the holidays as a caregiver with less stress and more joy! Read on to find out how.
Schedule, Schedule, Schedule
Don’t like keeping a schedule? Now you do! Schedules are a great way to keep stress at bay. When you write your appointments down it can help you carve out time for the activities you really want to know, and better manage your time overall. When you’re saying yes to a lot of events without keeping a schedule it can be easy to get overwhelmed fast, as things will quickly pile up and you might even find yourself in the unpleasant situation of committing to multiple events at the same time! Scheduling helps you determine what you actually want to prioritize, and gives you a good out for declining an invitation to something you’re not actually interested in! “I’m so sorry, but my schedule is already full that day.”
While a schedule is great for keeping track of work and social commitments, it’s also useful for scheduled time that is specifically dedicated to you. This might look like booking a massage for yourself, or even just putting aside time for you to cook yourself a nice dinner. Sometimes people can neglect giving themselves the time they need unless it is explicitly put aside in their schedule, so do yourself a favor and put aside the time you need to feel your best.
Schedules can be kept in a physical calendar, or, as is most popular, via an app on your phone. You can even sync your calendar with your kids and your partner, so that everyone is up to date with various family commitments and you don’t need to worry about missing your kid’s choir recital. You can also set up alerts on your electronic devices that will remind you of important events. We need all the help we can get, sometimes!
Another form of scheduling that many people find helpful is to write to-do lists each day, or for tasks you need or want to complete during a specific time period. Having a to-do list can help you focus on what is important to get done immediately, instead of getting stressed about something that doesn’t need attention for another few weeks. A helpful tip is to also write down the estimated timing of each task. This can be very useful for anyone who gets easily overwhelmed by tasks and tends to procrastinate. If you write down that answering that one email you’ve been avoiding will only take five minutes then it might be easier to tackle it! Writing down timings can also help you plan out your day and hopefully add in the activities that you’re more interested in doing, like grabbing coffee with a friend, or making time for that workout class.
Northwestern Medicine even outlines some of the benefits of scheduling, including better sleep, less stress and healthier eating habits! Convinced yet?
Don’t Be Afraid to Say No
The holidays can be a wonderful time to catch up with old friends and get together with family, but those very same commitments can also bring up difficult memories and be quite exhausting! While it can sometimes feel challenging to turn down an invitation, it’s important to remember that you always have the power to say no, and you should use it if it’s the best thing for your mental health. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. It’s always nice to cover a shift or go to a party if you have the capacity to, but if you know that it’s really important to take that time alone to recharge then that is the choice you should make. If you give too much of yourself then you’re much more likely to burn out, so putting up boundaries and saying no more often actually helps you to be able to have more time to give in the long run.
When saying no try to practice saying no without a reason. You shouldn’t ever have to have an explanation for something you don’t want to do. Simply saying “I’m sorry I can’t make it” should be reason enough. If you find someone is consistently pushing back on your no’s then you might want to consider whether you need to put up firmer boundaries with that relationship.
Figure Out What’s Important
During the holidays it can be easy to fall victim to the idea of what our holiday “should” look like. You might think that you need to decorate a certain way, or host a dozen perfect holiday parties. Maybe you’re going to homemake gifts, or bake dozens of cookies or get family photos in the snow or visit that really cool winter wonderland in the park or, or, or…very quickly, a time of year that’s supposed to be fun becomes overstimulating, expensive, and filled with loud family arguments. So, what’s really important to you here? Do you actually want to host those parties, and do you want to stand in the cold for hours looking at ice sculptures? It’s totally fine if you do, but if those thoughts aren’t exactly filling you with joy then maybe it’s OK to leave them behind this winter.
Have a check-in with yourself and your family about what priorities you really have this year. You might be surprised to find out that some of the traditions and events are stressful for others as well, and that perhaps they can be replaced with other more relaxing activities instead. The holiday season doesn’t need to look any certain way. You should do it exactly the way you want to, and if that’s eating chocolate in your pajamas that is absolutely acceptable.
If you find yourself in the position where your loved ones want to continue a tradition that is very stressful for you, then that’s a great opportunity to have a discussion about how it can continue without being such a burden to you. Do you throw a beloved holiday bash that has gotten to be too much? Maybe a different friend can host but you might be willing to get together for a planning meeting to help pass the torch? Or perhaps you want to continue but you just need extra support because previously all the work has fallen on you? If everyone wants an event to continue then there needs to be a commitment to help out. Delegate tasks to your loved ones and put up a firm boundary that can only go ahead if everyone fulfills their assignment. That way you can see the traditions you enjoy, but with less stress involved. Plus it’s always good for your family to see how much work you put into something. Maybe after finding out how much work goes into it that tradition won’t be so important anymore!
Stick to Healthy Habits
It can be tricky to stay on track with your health goals during the holidays. With extra parties and old friends in town it can be easy to stay out late or overindulge on sweets and alcohol. However, getting out of your routine can often make you feel sluggish, sad and stressed.
Maintaining a healthy routine doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a night out with friends, but it does mean there are some limits you should put in place to make sure you can enjoy the holidays and stay healthy while doing it!
- Prioritize sleep – give yourself a curfew and stick to it. Give yourself a curfew and stick to it. To make this easier, try to show up earlier for events so you’re not tempted to stay later, and be sure to not stay out late if you have to work early the next morning. If you do find yourself feeling a little extra tired, a half hour nap can be helpful if needed.
- Give yourself a drink limit – you can still enjoy a cocktail here and there, but try to limit yourself to one or two drinks per event. If you still want a drink in your hand there are now more alcohol free cocktails, beers and wines than ever! And most of them look just like the real thing, so you don’t need to be worried about judgment from others (although honestly if anyone is judging you for making healthy choices then that is totally not cool).
- Make healthy food choices outside of events. It’s totally normal to find yourself faced with lots of sweets and rich food during the holidays and you should enjoy it! But, be sure to focus on healthy, protein and nutrient dense food outside of parties and festive dinners out with friends. Have a good breakfast and pack a salad with protein for lunch and eb sure to drink lots and lots of water. Plus, really try to listen to your body. It can be easy to mindlessly reach for that cookie, but if you aren’t in the mood then don’t go for it!
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you struggle with good habits during this time because it’s hard! But doing your best to care for yourself will help keep your stress levels and mental health in check during this complicated time of year.
Budget
One of the major reasons that people end up with extra stress during the holidays is because of poor spending habits. It’s easy to get caught up in the holiday spirit and splurge on gifts that are too expensive, or agree to go to that super pricey new cocktail bar, but while doing those things might feel good in the moment, they’ll often leave you with feelings of guilt and anxiety.
Investopedia offers some good tips to avoid overspending during the holidays. They include focusing on smaller personalized gifts, offering quality time instead of gifts, and focusing on what you can afford, instead of trying to match what someone else is able to. If someone truly cares about you they’ll care much more about the thought behind a gift than they will the price of it.
Limit Alcohol Use
Obviously limiting your alcohol consumption is helpful in terms of helping you stay on schedule and on budget, but reducing or completely stopping alcohol consumption over the holidays can also help you remain balanced and greatly reduce stress.
While many people tend to reach for a drink to relax, the reality is that alcohol might be making your stress worse. The Mental Health Foundation tells us that while at first alcohol might make us feel more comfortable, after that initial feeling wears off it’s much easier for negative thoughts, depression and anxiety to take over, which can lead to agitation, anger and poor decision making.
Alcohol can also seriously impact your sleep. Even if it feels like it helps you get to sleep faster, it’s actually resulting in a much poorer quality of sleep, which is not exactly what you want at such a busy time of year!
It can be difficult to stop drinking, but there are lots of supports out there. You can always talk to your doctor or a support group, or perhaps you might even encourage your friends to commit to a month without drinking. You might be surprised at just how much it affects your mood.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness and meditation can be great tools to use during periods of stress. There’s evidence that spending even as little as one or two minutes a day focusing on your breathing can make a difference to your mental health, so why not give it a go? There are several apps that can help you start out, such as Calm and Headspace.
Ultimately, the best ways to reduce your stress as a caregiver this holiday season is by doing what feels best for you. Some of the items in this article might be very helpful, while others might cause more stress for you as an individual, so be sure to listen to yourself and only continue with what feels right. Everyone is different, so while relaxing in a bath might sound great to you, for someone else the best stress reliever is lifting weights at the gym. Focus on what feels right to you, and here’s to a stress-free holiday season!
