Sometimes it feels like society is telling us that aging is a curse, not a blessing. We’re inundated with young faces in the media, and every other day it seems like there’s a new discrimination case being filed due to ageism. Shops are filled with “anti-aging” products designed to keep you looking youthful, as though there is something distasteful about developing lines upon one’s face.
It can be easy to feel like society doesn’t care about seniors, that nobody sees you or cares that you’re around. Naturally, this can cause a lot of anguish for individuals in their senior years. After a life of contributing to society and putting care into ones’ environment and relationships, it can be quite jarring to suddenly feel invisible.
It’s no wonder then that so many seniors struggle with their mental health. There are already so many challenges to contend with when getting older, but then you also have to deal with societal expectations on exactly how you should look and act when doing it? It’s enough to make anyone want to pull their hair out!
The paradigm needs to shift. That’s a fact. But a lot of that change needs to happen from within. There are always going to be naysayers out there, people who want to push you down. You can’t let them get to you. If you demonstrate that you are comfortable in your own skin then maybe those people will see that the person they are most uncomfortable with is themselves.
Of course, finding that comfort is much easier said than done, but there are plenty of steps you can take to get there. Today, let’s look at how you can approach aging with a positive attitude, so that you can fully enjoy these well-deserved years of retirement.
Resilience, which is the ability to successfully navigate stressful and changing situations, has been shown to be helpful when it comes to the aging process. In fact, adults who are able to build up their resilience could possibly even enjoy a longer lifespan than their peers who aren’t as mentally resilient. Of course, in order to have even been able to get to the age of 60 or older, you must already have a strong baseline of resilience, but, due to the many life transitions and stresses mentioned above, it can be easy for our resilience to falter, so it’s never a bad idea to look at what we can do to build up that skin once again.
Join a Support Group
You might be surprised at how many support groups out there are available to you. There are so many seniors who are struggling with the same issues, and are looking for other people to talk to. Support groups can cater to a variety of needs. Some might be more focused on individuals who are facing serious mental health struggles or conditions, such as addiction. There are also many groups that are simply designed to be a place where like-minded individuals can find community and talk through some of the issues they are facing that perhaps their kids or other people in their lives don’t understand. Some seniors might feel uncomfortable about going to a support group, but it’s important to know that so many others are feeling the exact same way you are. Talking with others about shared experiences can help us feel less alone, so it’s a very important part of the human experience.
If a support group isn’t your thing, or you don’t feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with a group just yet, then individual therapy might be a better option to start with. There are many therapists, such as the ones available on Total Life, who specialize in senior therapy and the unique issues those over 60 face. No matter if it’s a group or an individual, It’s always going to be helpful to talk to others and get a different perspective on your situation.
Look YOUR Best
There’s an idea that if you dress for success then it will find you. And what better success to chase than the success of feeling good in your own body. There’s no one right way to present yourself to society, so don’t let yourself be tied down to ideas of how you think you should dress or wear your hair. Have you always wanted to dye your hair red? Why not go for it? Want to try out that outfit with the bold pattern, or get some sneakers that you’ve only seen your grandkids wearing? There’s nothing stopping you except for yourself. Unless the clothes you’re wearing are somehow dangerous or offensive, there’s no reason you shouldn’t go after what makes you feel the most like you.
Many people have never felt comfortable exploring their personal style because they have felt restricted by societal expectations or job requirements on how to dress. Now that you’re retired you really have the freedom to find your self expression. Look for inspiration in magazines, on fashion blogs, or head down to the local mall and go into any shop that inspires you.
If it’s available to you, you might even consider seeking out the guidance of a personal stylist. While this might seem like an option only available to the stars, personal stylists can be hired by anyone. Instead of having someone style you on a long term basis, this could be someone you meet with once or twice to get advice on how to let your inner YOU shine through. Of course, if you do seek out a personal stylist make sure you’ve had a chance to review their work, and that you’ve had the opportunity to have a consultation with them beforehand. You want to make sure that the person who’s helping you is a good fit with your personal needs.
Fashion can be a great way to show the world our inner selves, so try to find what you want to say. If you’re interested in something, why not go towards it? If it feels good then it’s the right choice.
The same can be said for hair, and care products that might include makeup, skincare and devices such as red light therapy or face rollers. Find out what feels good for you. That might be using unscented moisturizers, or finding your new favorite scent of perfume or cologne! If anyone tries to tell you that you shouldn’t look a certain way because of your age, why not gently challenge them on that. What are you supposed to look like? If it feels good, then it’s perfect for someone your age.
Look at How You Talk to Yourself
Remember how earlier this article talked about how a lot of how you feel as a senior is up to you? While that might sound a bit harsh, the person who might sadly sound the harshest is, well, you. Many of us are far, far too hard on ourselves, and can be our own worst critics. And this isn’t even surprising. In fact, it’s actually normal for our brains to veer towards the negative. More on this can be found via Psychology Today. Thankfully, despite the tendency for many of us to lean towards the negative, it is possible for us to rewire our brains to think more positively. However, this does need to be a constant practice. As with anything, it’s important to start small. Instead of trying to rid yourself of all negative talk in a day, why not begin with a practice of looking in the mirror and telling yourself two things you really like about yourself. Work up to more things over time. Once that’s become easier, why not start tackling the way you interact with yourself on an everyday basis. For example, say you go to an exercise class at your gym for the first time. It’s very likely you’ll make some mistakes, or maybe not be able to complete all the exercises. It’s new, after all! Your natural instinct might be to say something to yourself like, “you’re stupid, you looked like such a fool. It’s so embarrassing that you went and you should never go again.”
How awful! Would you ever speak to someone you loved like that?
Instead of such negative talk, talk to yourself the way you would as though speaking to a young child who’s trying something for the first time. “That was so brave of you to do something new, and it’s totally normal to make mistakes. You should feel proud of yourself for going, and you’ll get better the more you do it!”
It might feel silly at first, but see how much more encouraging that is to yourself then the first response was? Which way of talking to yourself do you think will make yourself better and more likely to engage in new experiences?
You deserve to feel good, and you are deserving of love, especially from yourself. If you’re hoping to have a more positive outlook on life and aging, then It’s important to make sure you’re starting with yourself.
Of course, you can do all the work in the world, and you might still have unpleasant thoughts about yourself. But, it’s incredibly important to work at being kind, especially when you have those moments! Instead of dwelling on them, acknowledge the thought and then let it pass. We are the choices we make, not the thoughts that we have.
Stay Active
It’s much easier to be resilient when you’re feeling good, and we all know one of the best ways to achieve that…yes, that’s right, it’s exercise. Yes, you might be rolling your eyes right now, but there’s a reason why exercise is encouraged by every doctor: it works – the American Medical Association says so! Exercise can help to prevent a variety of diseases, such as heart disease, depression and type 2 diabetes. And it’s well known to be very beneficial for our mental health. It’s never too late to make exercise a part of your daily routine, so what are you waiting for?
There are so many different ways for you to get your exercise in. A great place to start is at your local gym or community center. There, you can find out what options are available to you in terms of group classes, personal training and any programs that are specifically geared towards seniors. Most neighbours have affordable gym options where you can find a variety of classes to fit your needs. If your first instinct is to say that you don’t like exercise it’s actually probably more that you haven’t yet found a type of exercise that you enjoy doing. Try out different things to find out what works. Not only will you be more likely to find something you enjoy if you push yourself outside of your comfort zone, but going outside of your usual pursuits is something else that is very good for building resilience, so really you’ll be killing two birds with one stone.
And, just like with your look, don’t let anyone tell you how a senior should or should not engage with exercise. If you want to go to a swing dancing class because that brings you joy then that is exactly the kind of exercise you should do. If you want to go for a walk and stop every five minutes to identify and take a picture of a flower then that is also a perfectly good way to incorporate exercise into your life.
Consume Positive Media
Just as you should be mindful about how you talk to yourself, you also want to consider the impact of the books, music, tv and movies that you choose to consume. While it can be wonderful to have a diverse range of media in your life, you should be careful not to include too many shows or books that make too many negative comments on aging and seniors in general.
This can sometimes be tricky, as ageism isn’t usually advertised. It could be subtly referenced in movies and books, often without the creators even fully realizing the negative impact they are having on an entire group of people!
Of course, if something makes you feel bad, then it’s best to not continue engaging with that content, but sometimes it can be hard to notice or even pick out the shows and books that are engaging in upsetting commentary.
Instead, it might be wise to purposefully Interact with content that you know to have a positive outlook on seniors and engage on that chapter of life in a meaningful way. There are several suggestions online, such as this one. Look for shows and books created by and/or featuring seniors in leading parts. Seniors are complex people who have full stories and experiences and you deserve to be interacting with their stories in a way that makes you feel seen.
Pick Up a Hobby
A final piece of advice, that was already briefly touched on, is the idea of trying something new. It’s been shown that picking up hobbies can make us more creative, happier and blank. Plus, what better time than retirement to finally learn that language or learn how to build a kitchen cabinet?
Seniors are valuable, much needed members of our society, and they deserve to have rich, vibrant lives. By engaging in some of these habits perhaps you can start to chip away at the unreasonable expectations placed on seniors, and instead live a happy, meaningful life that’s built the way you want it.
