No one wants to think about their parents getting older. It’s the worst fear of most children. But the reality is that, if we are lucky enough, we all grow older, and eventually that might mean we need a little bit of extra help. While sometimes the need for help is obvious, at other times the warning signs can be more subtle, and take a while for those on the outside of the situation to notice. This often goes hand in hand with a parent being reluctant to accept help from their children. Many parents are very proud, and don’t like to admit that they are not as agile as they used to be. That’s why it’s so important to be able to recognize the warning signs of a parent who needs help, and act quickly to get them some support so that they can live with the best quality of life for as long as possible.
Total Life offers therapy and mental health support to seniors in states all across the country, but how do you know if your parent is in need? Let’s take a look at some of the warning signs below.
1) Poor Hygiene and an Untidy Home
This can be one of the most sensitive issues to bring up to a parent, but it is often one of the first noticeable signs of deterioration in a person’s health and mobility. Some things that you might notice are that they don’t seem to bathe as frequently as they used to, and/or their house is appearing unusually cluttered.
There are many reasons for why this might be the case. First, let’s focus on the issue of poor hygiene. Poor hygiene is often connected to the decreased mobility of a person. Your parent might be struggling to access certain parts of their bodies during bathing or using the toilet, which could mean their cleaning routine is left incomplete. Many seniors who experience decreased mobility also suffer from an increased fear of falling during showers, which sometimes results in them choosing not to shower at all. For many seniors this can also be connected to chronic pain, which can be manageable, but often only with the proper support network.
There is also a mental component to a parent’s lack of desire to bathe. Sometimes they might be suffering from depression or intense loneliness, which may completely remove their desire to clean themselves.
A lot of the same reasons for someone maintaining poor personal hygiene apply to someone who is unable to keep their house clean and uncluttered. While using a vacuum or taking out the garbage might seem like simple tasks to a healthy, able-bodied person, those tasks might seem insurmountable to someone dealing with extreme arthritis, recovering from an injury, or battling depression.
Of course, don’t jump to conclusions if you notice dishes in the sink or a few stains on a t-shirt when you’re visiting your parent one day. But, if you notice a consistent pattern of disorganization and mess, beyond what you recognize to be the standard routine, then you might want to start paying closer attention and asking a few questions to find out if your parent is in need of some assistance.
Often, all your parent needs is someone to talk to, and support for hygiene issues can even be found online. There are countless qualified therapists and counselors, many of whom accept insurance, who can help your parent navigate these difficult issues.
Let’s take a look at another sign.
2) Trouble with Finances
Have you noticed bills piling up in your parent’s mailbox, or seen a lot of notifications regarding payments when you’re helping them with their email? Mismanagement or trouble with finances is another telltale sign that your parent might be in need of some support. Often, when cognitive function begins to decline, it is common that a senior might begin to struggle to keep on top of their finances. This might mean that they can’t keep track of their utility bills and suddenly find themselves owing late payments. It could also mean unusual investments or them constantly moving their money due to confusion about the proper way to manage their funds.
One of the most dangerous potential outcomes in this scenario is the chance that your parent could fall victim to a financial scam. Scam artists intentionally target seniors for this very reason: they know they’re vulnerable and more likely to part with their money out of fear or a desire to help someone they believe to be in need. This is why it’s so important to take action as soon as you suspect your parent is struggling to keep on top of their finances. You want to be able to protect them so they are able to put their money towards their health and happiness. Many seniors are already insecure about the amount of money they have saved for their golden years, and that fear has already increased with the rising cost of living, so keep an eye out for any kind of financial mismanagement, so you can immediately point your parent towards the help they need.
3) Confusion, Memory Loss
This is often the most difficult sign for you, the child, to deal with when it comes to an aging parent. Confusion and/or memory loss is a very common symptom of aging. Sometimes it’s completely benign, after all, we all forget things now and then, don’t we? Well, while that is true, there’s a specific reason why people tend to become more forgetful as they get older. The hippocampus, which is the part of our brain that helps us store memory, naturally deteriorates as we begin to age. This, combined with a general aging and slowing of the repair cells in our brains, means that it is highly likely that we’ll struggle with memory as we grow older.
However, there can be other reasons that your parent might be showing signs of confusion and memory loss. Certain medications and injuries can cause brain fog and disorientation. There are also more serious conditions like dementia and Alzheimer’s, which can cause irreversible memory loss.
Of course, just like with the other signs, there is no reason to jump to conclusions just because your parent temporarily forgot a friend’s name or got confused about what kind of cookies they used to eat as a kid. However, if you see their confusion or memory loss as an on-going pattern, then that is absolutely cause for concern.
A few of the signs to look out for are:
- Trouble recalling recent events. This might be forgetting a conversation they had yesterday, or not remembering that someone just got married or celebrated a birthday.
- Forgetting how to do familiar tasks, like walking to the local store or making their favorite meal.
- Not being able to remember names on a recurring basis, especially for people they know well.
- Forgetting important appointments and medications.
- Not knowing what time or day it is.
- Forgetting where they’ve put things.
Along with these signs of memory loss and confusion can come a complete change in personality and judgment. Often, especially in the early stages of cognitive decline, a parent might know something is wrong but not be able to pinpoint what is happening to them. This can result in them lashing or or sometimes even withdrawing completely. They might be irritable and angry with you for bringing up the issue, or want to avoid all thought of it altogether. They might put off meeting with a doctor or mental health provider about it and shy away from friends out of fear of being caught in what they might view as an embarrassing lapse of memory.
Regardless of the cause, memory loss and confusion is something that should be seen to immediately. While there might be a totally innocuous cause, cognitive function is not something you want to take chances with, and getting your parent some answers will ultimately lead to an improvement in their wellbeing.
4) Unexplained Injuries/Loss of Mobility
Another sign that your parent might be in need of some extra support is the appearance of unexplained bruises and injuries on their bodies. As people age and they lose bone density and flexibility, it’s not out of the ordinary for them to experience frequent falls and injuries. This could happen because of a lack of balance and agility, or injuries could also be caused due to cognitive deterioration, which might make them clumsier and less aware of their surroundings.
This can happen even faster if your parent is not someone who has been traditionally active throughout their lives. If they already lead a fairly sedentary lifestyle, then it is even more likely that they incur an injury that they will be unable to recover from. Sometimes, they might even have a fall and be unable to get back up!
This, of course, has the potential to be very dangerous for your parent, especially if they live alone. Sometimes this is an easy fix, and a positive change can be achieved by making some adjustments to your parent’s home, such as adding support bars or some sort of alarm system to alert a care provider if your parent has taken a fall. However, other circumstances might spell out the need for your parent to make the move into supportive living, which can have a huge mental health impact on your parent. At that po
int, it’s definitely wise to reach out to a mental health provider in your area to ensure your parent is getting the support they need as they move into this new chapter of their life.
5) Changes in Mood
The last warning sign we’ll talk about in today’s blog is the possibility that you might see a complete change in mood or personality in your parent.
Sometimes, the change in mood you witness might happen suddenly. This is often true after the loss of a spouse. You might see your parent no longer take an interest in the things they used to do. They might be quiet and withdrawn or unexpectedly lash out in anger. This could also go hand in hand with the first sign we talked about, an untidy house or poor hygiene. Grief and depression might take over and your parent no longer shows any interest in caring for themselves now that they don’t have anyone else at home to care for. The loss of a loved one is a tough time for anyone, so allow your parent to have space to grieve, but if the change in mood continues it’s important to seek out help from a senior’s therapist as soon as possible. Everyone needs help processing those difficult emotions.
This change might also be the sign that your parent is dealing with complex mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or other mental health disorders. Although it’s possible that your parent might have always struggled with mental health, it might become more obvious as they age and begin to have problems with their everyday functions. Many people struggle with their own mortality, and being faced with it can sometimes bring out mental health issues that have been relatively dormant throughout their lives. The loss of your parent’s peers can also increase loneliness and the sense that they no longer have anything to live for. If you suspect your parent is dealing with any of these feelings then it is crucial that you reach out to a mental health counselor or therapist in your area as soon as possible to get them some help.
Finally, this change in mood or personality might also be coupled with loss of memory or confusion symptoms. As mentioned, when a parent recognizes that their mental ability is not what it used to be then that can cause them to withdraw or become faster to anger than they used to in the past. Sometimes you might notice a change in mood before you notice the other signs.
If you find that your parent is angry, dismissive or simply acting strangely when you talk to them then it is worth digging deeper to find out if there are other warning signs behind the personality change. While it can be difficult to want to be compassionate when your parent is being short with you, there’s usually a reason behind this change in personality, and getting your parent some help is the best option for both of you.
If you notice any of the above signs, or anything else concerning in your parent’s habits or behavior, it is recommended that you reach out to a senior’s care therapist as soon as possible. While it’s understandable to want to put off seeking help, there’s a much better chance that your parent will do better if they get some support as quickly as possible. Everybody deserves to live a happy and comfortable life, and sometimes all it takes is speaking to a licensed therapist who has specialized in working with seniors.
If you’re reading this because you already suspect your parent is struggling then just know that you are not alone. Everyone goes through some version of this moment throughout their lives, and it’s never easy. But know that support is out there, and hopefully, with a little bit of help you’ll get several more memorable years together as a family.
