When you take on the role of caregiver to a loved one it’s common to have the transition feel like a rollercoaster you don’t quite remember lining up to ride. A few months in you might not be able the last time you had a date night, let alone five minutes on your own.
Although it’s completely normal to experience a transition period that feels a little hectic, it is important that you start to figure out what tools to employ in order to manage this new addition to your life. If you never have any time off to care for yourself or focus on that exciting project at work then it’s only a matter of time before you will begin to experience the warning signs of burnout, and once you reach that point it becomes even more challenging to adopt a healthy routine.
Maybe you never planned to join the circus, but you’re here now. So, today let’s teach you how you can juggle work, family and caregiving without breaking a sweat.
Regular Family Meetings
As soon as you decide, or are required, to take on the care of a loved one you should schedule a meeting with your family. That’s everyone you live with and other family members that might be involved with your loved one’s care.
At this meeting you should discuss the routine you plan to establish with your loved one, and what support other family members are able to contribute. This might look like them driving your loved one to appointments or being there for them during a meal. Support might also look like taking over some of the tasks that you might have taken charge of in the past, such as cooking dinner or doing the vacuuming. Figure out the elements of life that you need the most support with, and match that with the care and skills of the other people in your family.
Importantly, make sure that these meetings are a regular occurrence. It’s easy for people to make promises they can keep, so it’s important that regular check-ins happen so that everyone stays on track. After some time you might also realize that you need some adjustments to the routine, or that something you thought you could do on your own requires some extra support, so you don’t want to just have one meeting to decide everything, instead, stay in constant communication.
Keeping What’s Important to You
When your schedule starts filling up it can be easy to let go of the things that you enjoy the most. You might feel like you don’t have time to go to the gym, or that it’s frivolous to spend time watching TV. However, if those are the things that bring you joy and help you feel balanced and calm, then it’s more important than ever that you make space for them in your life.
Making time for these activities can help keep stress and anxiety at bay, which will make you a more patient and giving loved one, and a more enthusiastic and productive worker. Yes, it can be tricky to find the time, but even a little bit of doing something you enjoy is better than nothing at all. So make time for that walk, making cookies with your kid, or those relaxing morning stretches. You and everyone around you will be better for it.
Sleep
Sleep is one of the most important things we can do for our health. In fact, the University of Chicago reminds us that poor sleep habits can result in a wide range of health issues. This includes mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, high blood pressure, diabetes and weight gain. Poor sleep can also affect judgement. In some studies lack of sleep has been shown to have the same impact as consuming several drinks. When you’re handling the care of a loved one or making a difficult call at work the last thing you want is to have impaired judgement. The exhaustion and brain fog that accompanies lack of sleep can also make it much more difficult for you to engage in other healthy habits, such as eating well or exercising. So do yourself a favor and prioritize getting a good night’s rest. Here’s a few things to think about to optimize your zz’s:
- No screens an hour before bed. Instead turn to a book, a warm bath, some gentle stretches or a coming activity such as coloring.
- Don’t eat any large meals before bed. If you find yourself hungry try to have something filling but small, and stick to mild foods. Good choices include oatmeal, peanut butter toast or a warm glass of milk with a little bit of honey.
- Make your room comfortable. Try to keep your room tidy, as a cluttered room can make it difficult to sleep. You should also focus on making it cool and dark, two things that have been shown to help with sleep. A sleep mask and cooling sheets might make a good purchase. Finally, figure out if silence or a background noise is best to aid sleep. You might look into running an app with a calming sound like ocean waves, or if you prefer silence then buying a pair of earplugs might be in order.
- Keep your routine. You might not want to get up at 6 on the weekend, but if that’s the time you get up during the week then sticking to that schedule will be the best for your sleep. Our bodies get used to a certain rhythm and they don’t like having that rhythm disrupted. Do your best to go to bed and get up at the same time every day and your body and mind will thank you.
Coordinate with Work
Caregiving can turn your schedule upside down, and sticking with your regular work schedule may be incompatible with your new daily routine. While there may be times where you need to reschedule your family and caregiving responsibilities, it’s also worth having a conversation with management to see if any accommodations can be made for you.
You might ask if there’s any possibility of working some days from home, or seeing if you can be scheduled in a way that you are out of the office earlier, or work longer days four days a week so that you can have an extra day off. You might even see if you can take a leave from work or organize some personal days. While of course asking for time off isn’t a long term solution, a few days to settle into this new routine with your loved one might be exactly what you need to feel comfortable.
Schedule
If you didn’t rely on your schedule before, this is definitely the time to start! It can be easy to get overwhelmed with all the tasks, errands, meetings and appointments you need to keep track of when juggling work, family and caregiving, but keeping a schedule can help keep you focused, and will allow you to strategize on how best to balance all of your commitments with the things that bring you joy (see advice above). Every evening it’s a good idea to review your schedule for the next day to be sure you don’t have any conflicts, and most calendar apps also allow you to set reminders, which you can do days or hours in advance. This is a great way to make sure you don’t miss anything important. These alerts can also be used for enjoyable events like birthdays, so you don’t need to worry about missing a loved one’s special day because you were so focused on something else.
When scheduling appointments don’t forget to account for the time it takes to travel in between locations. Consider how long the commute is as well as the time it might take to get ready, especially if taking the loved one you’re caring for who might struggle with mobility.
Use Community Resources
It’s important to remember you are not alone in this challenging situation. There are so many adult children who are navigating the same challenges you are right now, and they might be very helpful to talk to so that you can gain valuable advice, or simply have an understanding listening ear.
Check out local support groups for caregivers. You can find further information on sites like this. You might also reach out to seniors’ homes or other caregivers you know.
It also might be helpful to see what community services are available to the senior you are caring for. There might be programming such as exercise classes, special events and even transportation that is available to them that would not only give them a little bit of independence, but might take a little bit of the weight off of you so that you can enjoy a break every once and a while. Many communities have a dedicated senior center, which is a great place to begin your search for support.
Lean On Your Support Network
No one should have to go through hard times alone. Make sure to reach out to friends and family for help when you need it. Whether that’s taking the senior you care for out to dinner so that you can have a bath, or coming over to enjoy a beer at the end of the day. Stay in contact with the people you leave and be honest with them when you’re having a hard time. Psychology Today tells us that talking about our feelings out loud helps reduce stress and boosts our immune systems, something you could probably use right about now!
You also want to make sure that there’s a good support network in place in case of any emergencies with your family of the loved one you’re caring for. Have a plan in place for childcare, alerting your workplace, and reaching out to any important medical personnel who should be kept in the loop.
Tend to Your Own Health
We touched on this a little bit when talking about getting a good night’s sleep, but you can’t forget the other crucial lifestyle habits that keep you healthy: diet and exercise. Yes, it’s understandable to want to come home and crash on the couch with a bag of chips and watch television, but ultimately that’s just not going to make you feel your best.
Instead, try to focus on filling up on nutrient dense foods, and follow Harvard University’s advice for how to appropriately fill your plate: ½ is veggies and fruits, ¼ is whole grains, and ¼ is protein. While it’s OK to enjoy sweet treats, try to do so in moderation, and do your best to stick to water as your main form of hydration. It’s also totally OK to use a meal service. They are fast, convenient, and often offer high protein meals that are already appropriately portioned for your health.
In terms of movement, some is better than none. Try to choose the stairs instead of the elevator, or commit to doing jumping jacks every time a commercial comes on while watching TV. Also, if working at a desk do your best to get up for a quick stretch at least every hour.
Keep a Clean Space
It may be tempting to let housekeeping slide when you’re busy, but skipping that hour or two of work might actually be making your mental health and productivity worse! RACGP tells us that clutter can negatively affect our brains, raise levels of stress, and make us more likely to procrastinate! This is not something you need when you’re already trying to juggle so many different things.
Cleaning can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Try setting a timer for five minutes each day, and commit to cleaning non stop for that time. You might even put on a long song and do the dishes, dust, clean the toilet or do anything else until that song is done. You might even make cleaning into a competition and offer a small prize to the family member who manages to get the most cleaning done throughout the week. You might be surprised at how much more likely kids are to do some cleaning if they know they’ll get a few bucks or a couple more minutes of screentime in return.
Adjusting to this new lifestyle is going to take some time. You will almost certainly experience a couple of bumps on the road as you figure out your new normal, so be patient and kind with yourself and the people around you. Make sure to ask for help when you need it and try not to be too precious about your privacy. While of course it’s important to respect the privacy of the loved one you’re caring for, you shouldn’t pretend that it isn’t happening. You can explain you’ve taken on someone’s care without revealing their medical details. It’s important to do this because it’s difficult for people to help you if they don’t know what’s going on. Plus, sharing your difficult moments will likely make you realize that a lot of other people can relate – and it always feels better to know you’re not alone!
