Everyone wants to take care of the people they love. Many wedding vows have the line “in sickness and in health,” and most children would do anything to keep their parents around a little longer. Because of this, it’s common for children to become caregivers for their parents, or a senior becomes a caregiver for their spouse. Sadly, for some, the choice as to whether or not to become a caregiver is not given to them, as the cost for care can often be prohibitive.
Regardless of the reasons why you have become a caregiver, the reality is that you are one, and being the person to provide full time support to a loved one can be a heavy and difficult task. While there are certainly rewards to caregiving, it can also be very easy to become burnt out, especially if you’re dealing with an already strained relationship.
That’s why it is so important that you do what you can to care for yourself first. It might sound counterintuitive to prioritize yourself, but you’ll be a better caregiver to your loved one if you’re looking after yourself and making sure you are getting adequate rest and time to enjoy life. Many caregivers struggle with feelings of guilt if their entire lives don’t revolve around the loved one they’re caring for, so let’s start small, shall we? Here are some tips for taking care of yourself, from little things to do right now, to how to tackle the long term.
Schedule a Bit of You-Time
It’s likely you already have to keep a fairly predictable schedule in order to care for your loved one. They might need medications at a certain time, have daily appointments or physical therapy. Routine is also very useful, as Northwestern Medicine points out, for their health, so it’s likely you try to keep things predictable. If this is the case, then why not use the advantage that a set schedule gives you to carve out a few minutes to do something that’s just for you. This is not about getting in an hour long workout every day (although if that’s available to you go for it), but something like five minutes to do a guided meditation, a stretching routine, or even playing a word game on your phone while enjoying a cup of coffee can do the trick. Schedule five minutes of you-time every day when you know you can take it, maybe before your loved one gets up, while they’re at an appointment, or during a nap. Sometimes we need scheduled reminders to focus on ourselves, so start adding a little bit of you-time into your day.
Movement
We all know that exercise is good for us, but when you’re preoccupied with the care you have to provide for someone else, it can be easy to find yourself going weeks without any kind of movement. Sometimes you literally do not have time in the day. It’s completely understandable to find yourself struggling to fit a workout in, but the unfortunate reality is that exercise is vitally important to your health. It can help to prevent a host of serious health conditions such as cardiovascular issues, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. Exercise has also been shown to have a very positive impact on the state of our mental health, as shown by Mayo Clinic – something that might be even more important as you navigate your role as a caregiver.
The good news is that any amount of exercise is better than no exercise at all, and you might be surprised at how even a little bit of movement can change your mood. Start small. If you are sitting for a large portion of your day, try to challenge yourself to stand up and simply walk a few steps every hour. If you normally take the escalator at the bus station, try going for the stairs instead. Once you’re comfortable with little additions like those, then you can progress to something bigger like going for a run or taking a class, but for now, focus on getting movement in small doses.
Stay Hydrated
Staying appropriately hydrated is important to help us feel our best. When you’re busy it can be easy to forget to drink water, or rely exclusively on sugary or caffeinated beverages to keep you going. While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying coffee or the occasional sweet drink, it’s important to focus on water or unsweetened herbal teas as your main sources of hydration. These drinks will keep you hydrated without the common jitters or sugar crashes that come from caffeine and sugar.
In terms of exactly how much water to drink, there’s no hard and fast rule, as outlined by Harvard Health. Often, six to eight glasses a day are enough, but a good way to tell if you are getting enough water is by checking your pee! If it’s a faint yellow then that’s a good indication that you’re getting adequate hydration. If it’s completely clear then you’re probably overhydrated, which doesn’t offer any additional benefits, and will likely just make you run to the bathroom more often. Of course, if you are very active or live in a hot climate, then you might need to drink more than six to eight glasses to meet your daily hydration needs. Always drink when you’re thirsty, and, if you find that you are constantly thirsty even if you’re drinking enough then it might be a good time to visit your doctor, as that can be a sign of an underlying health condition.
For some people, it can be struggle to drink enough water because they don‘t like the taste, or simply find it boring. If you can relate, then try these tips:
- Add fruit like strawberries, grapefruit, lime or lemon – you can even get a water bottle that has a fruit infuser built into its design
- Purchase some sugar-free water drops that come in flavors like watermelon and lemonade
- Switch out one of your glasses of water for a flavored soda water
- Prep a big jar of herbal tea to keep in your fridge to grab some whenever you want
- Get a fun water bottle with inspirational quotes on it to keep you drinking throughout the day
Finally, if you can, try to drink a glass of water as soon as you wake up every morning. It can be helpful to get you into a routine of hydration throughout the day, and what better way to set you up for success? Establish a Bedtime Routine
Getting a solid night’s rest is one of the best things we can do for our health. It keeps stress and weight levels in check, and can protect against serious health conditions like heart disease, stroke and depression. Unfortunately, it’s often people with jam packed schedules like caregivers, who have some of the worst sleeping habits. One of the reasons for this is something called revenge bedtime procrastination.
Revenge bedtime procrastination, according to the Sleep Foundation, is when someone purposefully prolongs their waking hours so that they can have some time to themselves, usually to go out with friends or stay up watching TV. This is done despite knowing that these actions will negatively impact their sleep and lead to unpleasant consequences for doing so. However, people do it out of an anger at how full their days are, and out of a desire to gain back some time (even if it endangers their health and makes them exhausted in the process).
It’s incredibly frustrating and demoralizing to not be able to do the things you enjoy. Everyone should be able to watch an episode of tv or go out for a drink with friends when they want to, but risking your health just isn’t worth it, and it won’t help the situation in the long run. Instead, if you focus on building up healthy habits like a good sleep routine, you might find yourself better able to tackle and organize your schedule so that you do end up with time to do the things you love.
When thinking about how to build a good sleep routine, here are some things to consider:
- Clean, comfortable bedding can help you sleep more soundly. If cost is an option check out sales at places like TJ Maxx. If eating in bed make sure to wipe away any crumbs.
- Check the temperature – while it might be tempting to turn up the heat in the winter, it’s been shown that cold temperatures actually help you sleep better! The perfect temp will vary from person to person, so experiment with what works for you. If you feel a little cool try adding on a cozy blanket instead of automatically jacking up the heat. Your sleep and your utilities will thank you! Of course, in a cold climate never turn your heat off, as that could be dangerous to you and your home, but see if you can sleep with the temperature between 65 to 68 degrees.
- No screens – instead, try to do something relaxing before bed, like reading, stretching, sketching or journaling.
- Have a warm shower or bath – for many people this is a great way to relax in the evening.
- Lights out – lights can be distracting and keep our minds from settling. If you find this to be a distraction, it might be worth trying an eye mask to help you get some shut eye.
- Noise? Yes? No? For some people, it’s hard to fall asleep in silence, so a white noise machine, gentle music, or a guided meditation might be helpful. For others, earplugs might be the key to getting a good night’s sleep.
Community
There’s a reason you don’t hear stories about cave men and women living alone in a bachelor cave – they wouldn’t have survived! They needed each other to provide for each other, survive the elements, share stories and laugh. While we don’t need to worry about saber tooth tigers today, community is still vitally important to our wellbeing. In fact, making time for relationships that are important to you can help ease symptoms of depression and anxiety, improve your immune system and contribute to an overall feeling of happiness and satisfaction with life.
It can be difficult to schedule time for friends and family when you’re looking after a loved one, so aim for something low-key to begin with. Maybe a friend or family member can even spend time with you while you’re with your loved one. They might join you for a walk or a meal, which is ultimately enriching for both of you.
Focus on quality time, not going out to check out the hot new restaurant. Once you have carved out more balance in your life then you can go after that as a goal, but right now you should focus on having meaningful interactions with the people you love, which might just mean taking 15 minutes to bond over coffee before both of you start your day.
Set Boundaries
One of the most important things to do when agreeing to take on the care of a loved one is to set some solid boundaries. While they will obviously have some specific needs you’ll have to attend to, if you’re taking on their care then they are likely still alert enough to be able to have a little bit of independence. So figure out what your boundaries are and make sure they are clear to your loved one. This might mean giving you time to enjoy a walk in the morning, or not disturbing you at night unless it’s an emergency. It can sometimes be difficult for caregivers to set boundaries, but it’s crucial in order to protect your mental health and keep the relationship between the two of you in a healthy state. You can also encourage them to set boundaries with you. Here are a few things to remember when setting boundaries.
- It’s OK to say no
- Your boundaries can’t force someone else to abandon their values or opinions
- It’ll feel uncomfortable at first, but it will get easier with time
Time Away
When caring for a loved one it can feel like you need to be there at every waking moment, but that’s not healthy for either of you. You need time away, and it’s good for them to have other relationships as well. While it might not be feasible right at the start, eventually you can build up a roster of people who you trust with your loved one who can step in to provide a bit of support so that you can take some time for yourself. This might mean a friend coming to watch them while you take a yoga class, or your partner stepping in so you can go to the movies. Maybe it even gets to the point where you can have a full vacation, knowing your loved one is safe at home.
This might take quite a bit of time, but if you put care into your community, then hopefully those relationships will be available to you. Of course, never take advantage of somebody’s empathy, and never leave your loved one in the care of someone you don’t trust.
Hopefully this article has given you the groundwork to start caring for yourself a little better. Remember, if you care for you, then that translates into being a better caregiver.