The move to assisted living can seem daunting at first. You’re dealing with your emotions, your parents’ emotions, and there are just so many options to look at. How do you know exactly what it is your parents need, and how do you find it?
Thankfully, there are many others who have gone through this process before you, and there are lots of great resources out there to help you make the right choice. But, before we get into how to go about searching for assisted living residences and what expectations you and your parents should have going into it, let’s take a look at the different kinds of assisted living options there are.
While the official titles of different forms of assisted living might vary depending on where you live, there are generally four different types of assisted living options available to seniors.
Home Care
This is the only type of assisted living that doesn’t require your parents to move. Home health care is when seniors receive care from nurses or other health practitioners from the comfort of their own home. This might be light support or 24/7 assistance, depending on the needs of your parents. Home care might provide support for bathing, physical therapy, the administering of medication or meal prep. While many home care services are paid for privately, there are some conditions or circumstances that may be covered by Medicare.
Independent Living
Independent living residences provide a community to seniors, while still allowing them to be as independent as they would like to be. With independent living your parents would have their own apartment with a full kitchen, but they would be part of a community that would offer security, housekeeping and nursing services should the need arise. Most independent living facilities also offer a full schedule of activities, such as fitness classes and special events. They also have a dining room where most residents are able to opt in or out of meals. These residences often offer other amenities such as salons, pools and gyms. This is a great option for seniors who are still mentally and physically fit, but might be struggling to keep up with everyday tasks like cooking and cleaning, and want the chance to have some support in those areas. The flexible nature of this living arrangement gives seniors a lot of choice in how they live their lives and where they want that little bit of extra help. Many seniors in independent living end up building a strong circle of friends, which is excellent for mental wellness.
Assisted Living
Most residences offer both independent living and assisted living to residents, depending on their needs. Generally, seniors in assisted living will have all their meals made for them, and often their apartment will not include a full kitchen. These are seniors who still have a fair level of independence, but may struggle with things like bathing or taking medication, so they would have medical staff who come in to help them with these daily tasks. Residents would still have access to the activity schedule and can build strong communities of friends. Assisted living residences might offer outings to their residents to visit malls or other attractions, as very often those in assisted living are no longer driving or taking public transit.
Long-Term Care
Seniors in long-term care require the highest level of care and attention. Some residences offer all three types of care, while others are dedicated long-term care facilities. Long-term care is for those who are dealing with medical conditions that require round-the-clock attention, such as Alzheimer’s or dementia. These are secure facilities due to the high risk of a resident leaving and not being able to find their way back. Healthcare staff will help residents with daily activities such as physical therapy, medication management and bathing. All meals will be provided as well as an activity calendar. While the activity calendar might include some of the same events available independent or assisted living, long-term care homes might also host activities that are specifically designed for those suffering from memory loss or another severe condition.
Of course, most long-term care homes will want to encourage their residents to be independent when the situation allows, but, due to the condition of most of the residents, there will be limitations on how much independence they are able to have. For example, a resident wouldn’t be able to live in a long-term care facility without the supervision of a medical professional or a family member who could be relied upon to keep them safe.
So, now that you know the different types of assisted living that are available, it’s time to figure out what kind of living situation is the best one for your parents. Here are a few things to consider:
What is most important to your parents? What routines do they love having? Do they want to be in the middle of the city or would they prefer somewhere quieter?
Do your parents have any medical needs? How much care do they need for their conditions? How willing are they to accept help?
Will your parents need or want a meal plan?
Which amenities will be most important to your parents? It might be having a salon or it might be having a beautiful courtyard they can sit in with their friends after dinner.
While there are many considerations when thinking about assisted living, that is a good list to start with. Of course, often assisted living is determined by the amount of medical care that your parents require. Sometimes one parent might be struggling more than the other, which might necessitate assisted living for one, while the other might wish to remain more independent.
Once you have determined the right kind of care that’s needed, it’s time to start looking! Looking up community and senior centers in your area for recommendations, or get online! Simply doing a search of assisted living in your area should provide a long list of results. You might also want to check in with friends who may have just gone through the same process – who knows, maybe your parents will end up at the same residence as a good pair of friends!
Once you’ve found a few spots that look good, that’s when you can begin to tour them. Most residences will be able to send you a full breakdown of what they offer and the costs associated. If you and your parents are interested then you can contact the manager for a tour of the facility so you can see whether or not it’s the right fit. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find something right away. This is your parents’ new home, so it’s not unusual for it to take some time to find something everyone loves. Most people don’t buy the first house they see.
What to Expect
Now that you know a bit about how to find an assisted living residence, and what is offered there, let’s get into what you can expect when exploring this new chapter in your parents’ lives.
Big Emotions
This is a very difficult time for many seniors. While assisted living can end up being an enriching and wonderful experience for many, it is still a big transition, and so it’s important to be patient and understanding with your parents as they process through all the feelings that come along with this part of their lives.
Some people move into assisted living completely by choice. This is because some seniors are tired of taking care of a big house and would like to spend more time doing the things they love, and not on mundane tasks like cooking or maintaining the garden hedges. However, for many, the move to assisted living has been necessitated by a decline in cognitive or physical health, and it can be very difficult for a lot of seniors to accept this decline in fitness. There can be a lot of anger and denial that comes up, particularly if a child suggests that assisted living might be a good choice for their parents. This can also be part of a boundary set by a child who is unable to continue to provide a certain level of care to their parents, and this might result in a lot of resentment from the parents who believe their child, or children, should provide a higher level of care to them so that they continue to live at home.
Being prepared for these big emotions when they come can be very helpful. You might suggest a mental health therapist or counselor during this time, who can help your parents process this life transition with grace.
An Adjustment Period
Even if there isn’t a flood of emotions surrounding this change, don’t expect that everything is going to go smoothly right off the bat. Even young people can be stuck in routine, so just imagine what it must be like for something in their 70s or 80s to suddenly be in a brand new place with new schedules, meals, and ways of doing things. It can be jarring to be thrown into a new environment, and there might be resistance to it at first. If this happens, remind your parents to be patient. Encourage them to engage in the activities offered, and to try everything at dinner, even if it’s a food that’s unfamiliar to them. Who knows, it might soon grow to be their favorite!
You can help them during this time by helping them establish a new routine. Maybe that’s suggesting they go for a walk at the same time every day, or by making a point to visit them every week and explore a new part of the neighborhood each time.
The most important thing you can do for your parents during this time is to listen. You might be frustrated when they take a little bit of time to adjust, but don’t forget how big of a change this is to them. Be open and ask them questions about how they’re feeling. Try not to judge or offer solutions, just offer support. Sometimes people just need to say what they’re feeling out loud, once they’ve been heard it often doesn’t feel so overwhelming anymore.
On average, it can take anywhere from three to six months for a senior to adjust to their new living situation, but there is no magic number where your parents will suddenly be fine with it. Also, there are many seniors who make the move after a dramatic change in their life, such as a debilitating injury or the loss of a spouse. So, not only are they moving into a brand new environment, but they’re doing so because of a devastating change in their life. This means that quite often the adjustment period is not just about moving to a new place, but also dealing with the grief of losing their former life. Be patient.
Changing Costs
Finally, there can be quite a few costs associated with assisted living. While residences may be covered by Medicare, there are quite a few that will need to be paid for out of pocket, and the costs can often be quite high. Of course, you are not just paying for an apartment, but also a complete dining experience, amenities and medical services as well. Sometimes, this means that the monthly costs for your parents goes down, since everything is now offered all in one place, but more often it means rising costs for you and your family. That’s why it’s so important to find the right residence for your parents, and make sure you all thoroughly understand the contract. You don’t want to be surprised by unexpected costs just because you didn’t read the fine print!
Before you sign any contract make sure you are familiar with the termination policy. While the hope is always to find a good fit immediately, you don’t want to be stuck with a lease at a place your parents don’t connect with. Make sure you have signed an agreement that allows your parents out of their rental in case it’s not a good fit.
If you believe your parents are getting close to needing assisted living then it’s a good idea to have a conversation with them about it as soon as possible. This gives you time to find and research potential places before the need becomes so great that you are scrambling to find a facility. Maybe you are able to have a conversation before it’s even needed! That way you can look ahead to the future and have a firm plan in place whenever the need does arise.
Be sure to be clear and direct with your parents when broaching this topic. They might be surprised to hear you mention it, as they might not have even noticed the areas where they need help. Talk through your concerns and make sure your parents have an opportunity to do their own research. They might then realize on their own how much they have been struggling without even knowing it.
With these tips, perhaps you and your parents can move through this challenging transition period with grace and empathy for each other. Before you know it, they could be enjoying their beautiful new home.
