Have you recently started worrying about your parents’ safety? Yes, they’re still at home and are leading independent lives, but maybe they’re not as mobile as they used to, or you’ve noticed that their memory is a little fuzzy, and you’re worried that their cognitive state is in decline? However, they’re either not ready or not willing to move into assisted living, and so you are left wondering what steps you can take to make their homes as safe as possible for them to live in. 

You are not alone. Countless adult children worry about their parents having an emergency at home and not being able to get help – and with good reason! The National Institute of Health found that the cases of people being found helpless or deceased in their homes sharply increased with age, with the highest rates in people over the age of 65. While that is a sobering statistic, you can at least take comfort in the fact that you are here, so you obviously care deeply for your parents and want them to be safe. This means you’re checking in with them, which is a very important component to someone staying safe. However, you are not around every moment of the day, so here are 7 ways that you can help make your parents’ home safer so that you can always have peace of mind knowing that they are as prepared as possible for an emergency. 

1. Trip Hazards

A leading cause of injury to older adults is taking a fall. The CDC tells us that over three million older adults visit the emergency department each year because of falls, with over 300 thousand of these falls resulting in hip fractures, and over 30 thousand dying from a fall. Falls are also the leading cause of traumatic brain injuries in older adults.

There are many things that older adults can do to help prevent falls, and these are all great things to discuss with your parents. They include wearing appropriate footwear, checking with their doctor to see if they need any supplements, doing strength training and balance exercises, and making sure they have the correct prescription on their glasses. But, while it’s a good idea to have conversations about these things with your parents if falls are a worry, or have already been an issue, they are not necessarily things that you can oversee. However, there is something you can do to help limit the risk of falls at your parents’ house, and that is by minimizing trip hazards! Here are the top three things you should focus on:

Secure Rugs

Rugs can brighten up a space, but they can also be the culprit in a lot of falls! While, of course, removing rugs is the safest option, that might not make the most sense due to warmth, sound or sentimental needs. So, instead, let’s talk about how you can make rugs as safe as possible. 

First of all, the major reason why rugs can be such a hazard is simply due to them not being secured properly. This can be easily remedied by buying a rug pad. Rug pads are placed under your rug and provide traction against the floor so that your rug can’t slide easily.  

Another way you should consider securing rugs is by using carpet tape to secure the corners. Corners of older rugs often start to curl, which can provide a sneaky little tripping hazard. Combining tape and a rug pad should help keep your rugs looking stylish and firmly in place. 

Something else to consider is where to place a rug in a home. Stay away from placing a rug on any uneven surfaces, or in any highly trafficked areas like right in your entrance way. It’s also wise to stay away from areas that are already more hazardous, like in the bathroom or too close to a heat source. 

Reduce Clutter

The second thing you should do to reduce falls in your parents’ home is to help them reduce their clutter. Clutter, especially in a house with poor lighting, or if either of your parents has vision problems, can cause a lot of falls. Plus, it can also be a fire hazard, so grab some boxes and start tossing some things in to donate! If clutter is a major issue, then you might want to enlist the help of a professional cleaner. 

Apart from reducing the risk of falls, cleaning up clutter is good for the mind. Clutter can contribute to stress and anxiety, so cleaning up is a win in more ways than one!

Install Grab Bars

Grab bars in crucial areas can provide much needed balance during the times your parents need it most, such as when they’re getting out of a shower or changing their balance at the top of the stairs. 

Unless you have the proper knowledge, make sure you get a professional to install the bars, as improper installation could cause an even more serious fall.

2. Good Lighting

Sometimes accidents happen simply because an older adult couldn’t see where they were going. It’s normal for many people to experience changes to their vision as they age, but this could make it more likely for them to fall, or to make a mistake such as leaving the oven on.

To minimize the chance of unfortunate accidents happening, you can update the lights in your parents’ home. Make sure every area has ample amounts of strong direct light, especially in areas such as stairways. Change light bulbs or add more lights to brighten up a space. Be sure to check in with your parents as well. If their vision has gotten worse than something that might seem fine to you might actually be too dark for them. 

Something else to look out for is the ease of turning on and off lights. Make sure that all switches are easy to reach and operate. If something is out of the way or tricky to turn your parent might avoid using that light. 

3. Emergency Alerts

For a lot of people, their biggest fear is having their parent get into an accident and not be able to call for help. Thankfully, there are many devices on the market that scenario a lot less likely. 

You can purchase an emergency alert device for your parent to wear. These might come in the form of a necklace or a watch. These might have buttons for them to press in case they need assistance, but many of them are built with sensors that can detect if someone has had a fall and in that case will put in a direct call to emergency services with the individual’s location. The National Council on Aging put together a robust report on various systems. This can help you select the device with the features that are most needed for your loved one. 

4. Check Alarms

While some emergency alert devices monitor air quality, it’s still important to have dedicated detectors for carbon monoxide as well as smoke. These detectors should be placed throughout the home, near bedrooms, kitchens and on every floor. Check with your local fire department for the most up to date recommendations. 

All detectors have a shelf life, so be sure to pay attention to when they need to be replaced, and do regular tests to make sure they’re working properly. Also consider your parents’ specific needs. For someone with limited hearing, a different alert system should be purchased, such as one that flashes light or vibrates. 

These detectors are always important, even if your parent doesn’t cook or use gas in their home. Fire and carbon monoxide leaks can come from unexpected sources, and you don’t ever want to play the “what if” game. So, make sure your parents have updated alarms throughout their home to give them the best protection possible. If they’re capable of operating them, you might also consider giving them a fire extinguisher or a fire blanket. These are quite easy to demonstrate and can help prevent a small fire from getting out of control. However, only do so if you’re confident in your parent’s ability to operate these devices, and, of course, always encourage them to immediately call 911 and exit their home in the case of an emergency. 

5. Security System

Personal alarms, fire and carbon monoxide alarms, what about house alarms? 

While no one ever wants to imagine a crime being committed against someone they love, it may be an important consideration when thinking about how to make your parents’ home safer. Many older adults are at a higher risk of crimes such as break-ins due to the fact that many older adults are more vulnerable, isolated, and often have predictable routines that criminals can monitor and take advantage of. 

To help protect against robberies, you might consider having a home security system installed at your parents’ home. These systems are designed to detect if someone is trying to break in, and will immediately alert emergency services. While no system is 100 percent effective, having a home security system is much better than leaving your parents completely unprotected. And, sometimes even the act of advertising that one has a security system can be enough to keep thieves at bay. 

Aside from installing a security system you can talk to your parents about other ways to safeguard their homes, like keeping doors and windows locked and never leaving their cars running.

6. Have An Emergency Kit

Sometimes we might get lulled into a false sense of security, and because of that we don’t plan for disaster. You live in a mild climate, you go grocery shopping every week, an earthquake has never happened here…

However, you never know when an emergency might happen, or even how it will manifest. Maybe you are the main support for your parent and you fall ill and unconscious for days. During this time your parent isn’t able to get their medication refill or groceries. Yes, it might be unlikely, but why risk it? Think about the unexpected ice storms, floods and other natural disasters that have struck in recent years? 

To help make your parent’s home as safe as possible, it’s a good idea to prepare at least one (ideally a few) emergency kits in an easy to access location in their home. These kits should have a first aid kit, some additional medication, blankets and sleeping bags, a flashlight, water purification tablets and non-perishable food. This government website offers some other recommendations for what to keep in a kit. Basically, it should keep you alive in the event of a disaster or other unforeseen circumstances. Don’t dismiss items you don’t think will apply. It might be unexpectedly cold or you might run out of food. It’s always good to have more than you think you need rather than finding out you don’t have enough when you’re in the middle of an emergency.

7. Get to Know the Neighbors

Finally, it might seem like getting to know your neighbors is an odd way to make your home safer, but especially for older adults it might actually be essential. Community is important for everyone, and many older adults struggle with isolation and poor mental health as they age and lose many of their peers. 

Building a community within their neighborhood is not only good for their mental health, but also for their physical safety! If your neighbor knows your habits and routine then they’ll likely notice if it’s not followed and check in. If they know you’re lonely or struggling with something, they might come by for a cup of tea or to offer a helping hand. 

Of course, you can’t guarantee that every neighborhood is going to get along, but there’s a good chance your parents’ neighbors are also looking for connections, so why not get in touch? Go over with a plate of cookies and introduce yourself. 

If your parents are already well enmeshed in their neighborhood, you might suggest swapping contact information with the ones they are closest to. That way they can be in touch if they have any concerns. This isn’t about expecting a neighbor to be your parents’ caregiver, but just about keeping an eye out. If we are all watching out for each other then it helps keep everyone safe and happy. 

As much as you might try, you can’t protect your parents from everything. If that was possible then they would have already figured it out while raising you. But, by taking the steps above you can help give your parents a better chance at avoiding accidents in their own homes, or, at the very least, getting help immediately if the unthinkable happens. 

It’s common for adult children to take on some degree of caregiving for their parents as they grow older. For some children it’s their way of giving thanks for all the support their parents provided to them throughout their lives. But, for children who live far away, figuring out how they can offer support to their parents without being physically present can often be difficult and distressing. It can be easy to feel like you’re not providing any support to your parents, and quickly become overcome with guilt. 

Thankfully, there are many ways you can support your parents as they age, even if you live several states away. If you’re reading this then it’s already obvious how much you care, and for older adults, knowing that they have a network of people to support them is incredibly important. The following are some tips on how to navigate caring for your parents when you live far away from them. 

Regular Check-Ins

There are so many ways to provide care to others. While it might seem like caregiving is all about being there to offer support with daily tasks, so much of a caregiver’s role is about companionship. Older adults often struggle with loneliness and depression, as they may have lost their spouse or community members, or have recently moved into new housing in a new neighborhood. The Mayo Clinic outlines how crucial socialization is for mental and physical health, which is why staying in regular contact with your parents is a great way to support their needs, even if you can’t be there in person. You can call via phone or video chat, and also remind them you’re thinking of them through email and text message. While the latter two shouldn’t be the sole method of communication, but it can be a great way to maintain contact during the week just to let them know that you’re thinking about them. It’s also a nice way to share photos and videos, and also give older adults who are less comfortable with technology a stress-free opportunity to practice interacting with their devices. 

Routine can be very important for older adults, so it’s helpful if you are able to arrange a call at the same time each week. If not, then making an effort to find a good time for your next call at the end of the previous one is also a good option. 

During check-ins make sure to ask about any changes to your parents’ physical and mental health and find out if there’s anything they are in immediate need of. This might look like helping them prepare for a doctor’s appointment or writing down a grocery list. However, while it’s important to check in about their immediate needs, don’t forget to also use this time to simply catch up and talk about joyful activities in their lives and things they’re looking forward to. This is a chance for you to connect with them in a meaningful way which again, is needed to help keep loneliness at bay. People want to know they are important and that they are on someone else’s mind. That’s a powerful way to be there for your parents – don’t underestimate that. 

Set Up a Support Network

A good way to support your parents and also put your mind at ease is to make sure they have a support network in place in case of an emergency. This might look like having a friend, neighbor or other family member check in on your parents in person at regular intervals, to make sure they’re doing OK. It’s also a good idea to have a list of any medical professionals or close friends you should contact in case you suspect they need help or you aren’t able to get ahold of them. 

Not only is this a good list for you to have, but it’s also helpful for your parents to think about the people in their lives who they can rely on, or help them build up a stronger support network if it’s feeling a little feeble. Sometimes we can forget to foster those relationships, so aging can be a good reminder of how important it is to maintain a robust support system. 

Offer Research 

If your parents are dealing with health issues, something that you can take on from afar is the research that often comes along with a diagnosis. While you can’t go to every appointment or help them pick up their medication, you can offer help by researching good specialists to visit, where to find a convenient pharmacy, and seek out and interview potential caregivers. Often this is one of the most overwhelming elements of dealing with health challenges, and can sometimes be the difference between someone choosing whether or not to seek help. Researching websites and making phone calls can lighten the load for your parents, and help reduce a lot of the stress and anxiety that can accompany aging. 

If you do notice that your parents seem to be struggling a lot, especially with their mental health, then your first recommendation might be to visit Total Life, where they can access licensed therapists and counselors who have specific experience with older adults who are navigating issues such as grief, depression and difficult life transitions. 

Make the Most Out of Visits

While you might not be able to be with your parents all the time, you can certainly make good use out of your visits. While you’ll want to be sure to make time for good conversation and enjoyable outings when you see them, a visit is also a good time to take care of some of the more urgent matters that are too difficult to organize when you’re not around. Here are some things to think about:

• Changes to their home – as people age they might require modifications to their home due to decreased mobility or the use of a cane, walker or a wheelchair. If they still live independently then this might necessitate some changes to their living space. This might include installing ramps and handlebars throughout their home, and making certain spaces larger and more accessible. Of course this is not necessarily work that you can or even should do yourself, but might be something you can organize with a contractor, and if possible oversee. Sometimes the changes might not have to be as big, but could still be useful. This might look like having timed lights for a parent who is forgetful so that they’re not spending excess money on utilities, or smart appliances that can shut off automatically. Changes to your parents’ home might even just look like moving some items to another room, or putting together some furniture that’s just a little bit too complicated for them to do on their own. 
• Automatic payments – while setting up automatic payments for your bills might seem like a no brainer for you, for parents who grew up in a different generation, Tye Medical tells us that interacting with apps and technology in general might be completely overwhelming. Setting up automatic payments can help take the stress of keeping up to date with various bills off of your parents’ minds, and the knowledge that your parents are well taken care of will help you sleep better at night, too!
• Family/support network meetings – while it’s a good idea to always stay in touch with the agreed upon support network, a visit home is a great time to set up an in-person meeting so that all of you can discuss how things are going and figure out if there’s anything that’s missing. 
• Help with that big project. Have your parents been planning to redo that fence in the backyard, or need to go to the garden center to pick up soil for the garden? Even if your parents are still fairly independent, there might be some tasks that are too much for them to handle on their own. So, before you come out to visit, have them jot down a list of a few things they’d like help with so that you can make a plan to get them set up until the next time you’re able to stop by. 

A little note about going to visit your parents: It can be tempting to visit more often than you are capable of simply because you feel like you should be there. While it’s always nice to visit when you’re able, it won’t help anyone if you visit when you’re burnt out and overwhelmed. Instead, prioritize visiting only when you are able to commit the time and it won’t be a financial burden or a sacrifice to your work or family life. Look out for flight, train or bus deals, and make a solid plan on what your parents need help with so the visit doesn’t feel disorganized and hectic. That way you can give your all and really put your time to good use. Visits are great but all the other items on this list can be just as helpful as some of the things you’re able to do in person, so don’t forget that. 

Share Responsibility

Are you one of many? Are your other siblings putting in the same amount of effort as you are in terms of caring for your parents? If not, it’s probably time to have a conversation about how each of you can equally contribute. Of course, there are going to be some siblings who don’t care to put in the effort, or for a variety of reasons are not able to, but in some circumstances it may simply be that your sibling does not understand the severity of the situation and would be more than willing to help if they knew. 

Sibling dynamics can be tricky, and it can be easy to toss blame around and feel like someone else isn’t pulling their weight. However, nothing gets better if you don’t address it. If you feel like you’re carrying the weight of caring for your parents alone, then have an honest and judgement-free conversation with your siblings. Tell them your concerns and outline what you’ve been doing to care for your parents so far, and then together you can talk about how you can more equally share the load. Try to stay away from blame, as that’s likely to end in an argument. 

Unfortunately there will be some people who will not be able to provide the support you need, and that’s never an easy pill to swallow. But, it’s better you find that out now and find ways to accept and adapt to that, then live for years in anger and resentment, hoping they’ll step up. Have the conversation now and find out either way. You might be pleasantly surprised!

Care Plan

Because you’re not in town there will obviously be some tasks your parents need help with that you can not physically provide them with, but you can help them set up the support they do need. This might look like helping them to find a suitable caregiver who can help them with errands, cooking or personal hygiene. This might be helping them find a housekeeper or a gardener or a handyman who can come fix that wobbly stair. Often older adults just need help with a little bit of maintenance so that they don’t fall behind, and you can help facilitate that. Classic Life Care outlines some good things to think about when it comes to older adult care. 

Easy Emergency Call

Something that might cause concern for you when far from your parents is the fear that they might experience a fall or another emergency at their home and not be able to easily call for help. Well, thankfully, there are several devices that can help put you and your parents’ minds at ease. This might be something like a watch, a button on a lanyard, or a button that is easily accessible somewhere in the house. PCMag compiled an excellent list of devices for just this purpose that you can look through to find a good fit. 

Something else to consider is installing a home phone at your parents’ place if they don’t already have one. While a cellphone is a great way for them to stay connected wherever they are, a home phone is important in case of an emergency where they are unable to properly communicate or are experiencing panic. When you dial 911 from a home phone the operator is immediately given the correct address to send an ambulance to, something a cell phone can’t provide. This can make a big difference in a life or death situation.

At the end of the day, there’s always going to be some big feelings when dealing with aging parents. Remember, that very often the best support you can provide is simply a listening ear, and thankfully, you can do that no matter where you are in the world.