As your parents age, it’s important to consider the next steps in their journey. Many people are resistant to thinking about future health needs, as it might suggest a lack of independence or autonomy. However, planning for the future allows for a feeling of safety and control, instead of a lack of it. Regardless of whether or not someone stays in good health, it’s perfectly normal to have to adjust routines as one ages. Imagine yourself as a figure skater: in your 70s you might still be able to move smoothly on the ice, but no matter how fit you are, you’re not going to be able to do a triple axel anymore (at least, without hurting yourself very, very badly). Bodies and minds change, and that’s a normal part of aging. Instead of resisting it and getting angry, it’s important to find ways to adjust your life so it’s still exciting and enjoyable, while making accommodations for your current needs. 

As an adult child of aging parents, you can help them think about and plan for their future care needs so that everyone is involved and knows what to expect. This is helpful for them but can also help you prepare for how you want to handle your own future when the time comes. 

Talk Early and Often

When it comes to care plans you should start talking about them as early as possible, preferably before anything becomes an urgent issue. If you want until a problem has become too difficult to ignore, then it’s more likely that the solution for it will not be to everyone’s liking, because finding care as soon as possible will trump finding care that everyone is excited about.

So, to avoid that, sit your parents down early. This might be in their late 60s, or whenever they start to discuss retiring or scaling back. Here are a few things to think about:

What is Their Vision?

When you sit down with your parents one of the first things you should ask them is what they their future to look like? Are they planning to downsize? Would they like to keep their house? Do they want to be taking care of a full estate as they age, or are they looking to take on help? Would they like to be a part of a retirement community? Would they like to travel? Getting an idea of what their wishes are can determine some of your followup questions, such as:

What Happens if Their Plan Isn’t Doable?

Many older adults might have a set image of what their lives will be, but don’t have any flexibility around the idea of changing up that image. Yes, it might be an appealing prospect to live out one’s life in a large home and be out and about driving, running, gardening and socializing up until the very end, but the reality is that that is not realistic for everyone. Illness, injury, and mental health all might impact your parents’ ability to live life the way they’d prefer, and it’s important to consider alternative options for care should the need arise. So, if they want to live in their home, what is the plan going to be if they suddenly aren’t able to care for it anymore? Do they have somewhere else they would move, or would they bring care into their home full time, and if that’s the backup plan can they afford it?

Finances

Finances play a large role into what kind of care plan your parents are going to be able to make. Having full time care in their own home might be the option that they like the best, but, according to A Place for Mom, the average hourly rate for home care in the United States is $30, which is likely out of reach for a large portion of the population. And that’s just a basic number for care, the cost is going to go a lot higher if either of your parents have complex medical issues that require expensive medications, medical devices or specialized care. 

This is a good time for you to have an honest and transparent conversation with your parents and their finances to discuss what care options are actually available to them. Of course, when planning for the final chapter of one’s life it can be difficult, because no one ever knows exactly how much time they have. So while no one wants to be stingy and not be able to go after what’s enjoyable to them, it’s also important not to overspend and then end up destitute several years down the road. 

Senior Lifestyle offers some good tips about different payment options for pensions or retirement savings, as well as what kind of healthcare support may be available to older adults. You can also speak to your bank to find out whether they have any financial advisors on staff who might be a good fit for your parents and their specific needs. 

This is also a good time to discuss any financial contributions you are able to make, if any. Some adult children are in a very comfortable position and happy to help out their parents financially, while others might not be able to, or even if they are, the relationship may not be a happy one, and so you might not be as keen to get involved in financial affairs with your parents. You are never under any obligation to support your parents with money, but it is still important to bring up the subject, even if it seems uncomfortable. You don’t want there to be any confusion when it comes to finances, as misunderstandings can end up creating tension and derailing plans that were put in place with a false idea of how much money would be available. 

It’s also important to bring up your situation because even if you believe that you have a clear understanding, if you start to help your parents more and more then sometimes the lines can be blurred and resentment (and costs!) can quickly pile up. Here are a few costs to consider that could become easy to get tangled up in. 

• Driving. If you’re driving your parents to several appointments or errands then the cost of gas can quickly add up. You might be OK with an occasional favor, but if you’re frequently ferrying your parents around, especially if you’re missing work for it, then your wallet could take a serious hit. If you’re fine with that and comfortable swallowing the cost then that’s fine, but if the idea of that makes you uncomfortable then it’s worthwhile having a plan in place with your parents. Perhaps that they pay part of your gas fills, or pay if you drive them more than a certain amount each week. 
• Errands. Picking up an occasional jug of milk and some apples for your parents once and awhile is one thing, but it’s another entirely if you agree to pick up their groceries for them and then they never offer to pay you back. Having an easy repayment system in place by using e-transfer, or you might agree to take their card to the shops so that they can pay directly are a few ways to address this issue. 

One of the most common reasons for  arguments is money, so get the discussion out of the way so that you can focus on your parents’ health. This doesn’t mean that you won’t keep talking about and or that circumstances and feelings can’t change, but if you bring it up early then it will simply become part of your regular check-ins about your parents’ health. 

Who Else is Involved

It’s good to know who else is involved in your parents’ care, and who is a member of their support network, as medical professionals, and other friends and family who can be called to help out or should be contacted in the case of an emergency. 

This information is also important to have available so that you know who to contact in the event that your parents are not able to call themselves, such as in the event of a serious injury or due to serious cognitive decline.

It’s also good to talk to your parents about how important socialization is for maintaining good mental health, as outlined by Cleveland Clinic. Many older adults tend to withdraw from public life due to depression, or sometimes feelings of embarrassment at their changing abilities due to age. But a robust support network and community is so important for staying healthy and could make a big difference in your parents’ longevity. 

How Much Are You Involved

Obviously you are reading this because you’re involved in your parents’ care plan to some extent, but exactly how much are you involved with or willing to be involved with? Are you agreeing to taking them to a weekly appointment? Are you quitting your job to become a full time caregiver? There’s a wide range of options available in terms of you getting involved, and so much of these conversations are going to be about possibilities that may never come to pass. In an ideal world your parents will need minimal help, but if they suddenly need intensive care are you able and willing to provide it? Sometimes you may want to provide it but not be able to due to other dependents or a demanding work schedule. And, what if things change? Your life might be open and your parents are healthy right now, but in 10 years things could take a turn for the worse and you might not be as free as you once were. You don’t want to drive yourself crazy with worst case scenarios and “what ifs” but it’s also important to be realistic about the fact that circumstances can change over the years. 

Power of Attorney

An important part of making a healthcare plan is your parents deciding who they want to appoint as power of attorney. Power of attorney is someone who can make financial or healthcare decisions for someone else in the event that they are unable to do so for themselves due to incapacitation or not being available for something in person. Of course, choosing a power of attorney doesn’t mean they need to be active right now, but choosing when during complete mental fitness is important as it means that your parents can be put at ease knowing that someone they trust will be handling their affairs should they need to. Your parents can even appoint more than one power and attorney, and either have both of them decide on decisions together, or have different people assigned to different tasks, such as one person to healthcare and another to finances. 

If your parents choose you to be their power of attorney then it’s important to also have a discussion about what their wishes are. Such as how they want their money managed, and what kind of medical decisions they want made during serious situations. For example, if they are ill and extraordinary measures would need to be taken (as in medical procedures that could be extremely painful and invasive) in the hopes of prolonging life – do they want that? Some may want any and all measures taken, while others may prefer to be peacefully let go if that situation comes up. Talking about this will also help your parents make their choice because it’s important that they choose a power of attorney who will honor their wishes no matter how much it might go against their own. It is unimaginably hard to accept the sickness or passing of someone you love, but it’s also important to let them have dignity and autonomy even if they’re no longer able to advocate for themselves. Find out more about choosing and the role of power of attorney at the American Bar Association.

Make Changes Early

Your parents might still be in excellent health but it’s clear that there are already mobility issues or certain tasks like cleaning or mowing the lawn that are proving to be more difficult than they once were. Instead of waiting until cleaning becomes impossible or your parent has a bad fall, why not make the changes now that you know you’re going to have to make later? Arrange to get in a weekly cleaner and make the neighbor’s kid happy by giving them a few bucks for mowing the lawn when the grass gets too tall? If your parents are struggling with balance, install grab bars in their home and clear the house of clutter to avoid tripping hazards. 

While some people might be resistant to making changes before they think they “need to” it could actually be incredibly helpful. Sometimes a task like cleaning might be causing a lot of stress that your parent isn’t even conscious of, and taking it off their plate can help them focus on activities they enjoy instead of worrying about how they’re going to clean the top of their cupboards. 

Make a Sleep, Diet and Exercise Plan

Back to the basics! Our final tip for building a care plan is to chat with your parents about their sleeping, eating and exercise routines. These things are the foundation of health, and can help prevent some conditions from developing, and can help manage symptoms if a condition is already present. Even if your parents have limited mobility it’s still important to find routines that move their bodies and help them to feel good and refreshed. 

It’s a lot to think about, but once you get the ball rolling with the first conversation you’ll soon be confident in a solid care plan for your parents that will last years into the future.

Talking about finances can be a sensitive subject at the best of times, but it can be especially difficult to discuss financial matters with your aging parents. Many older adults don’t want to think about the possibility that they might one day not be able to stay on track of their finances. And, along with that thought, many people don’t want to think about the end of their life and the logistics that go along with that. 

Those feelings are completely understandable. Not only for parents, but for their children as well. You’ve likely always looked to your parents as sources of comfort and support, and the thought of that dynamic switching and them suddenly needing to rely on you can be challenging to wrap your head around. However, while the initial conversation might feel awkward, talking about finances can help put everyones’ minds at ease so that you can focus on what’s really important: spending quality time with your parents. So, with that goal in mind, let’s talk about the five financial moves you should make to help plan for your parents’ care.

1. Talk Often and Openly About Finances

One of the best financial moves you can make is to regularly engage in conversations about your financial situation. There’s an old idea that it’s not polite to discuss money, but who does that help? Certainly not you or your parents when it comes to making realistic plans about the future. And, even if you are close with someone you can’t ever fully know their financial situation unless you ask. Your parents might spend lavishly but be deeply in debt, or, they might scrimp and save, giving you the idea that they might be barely scraping by when the reality is that because of that behavior they actually have a healthy sum stored away in the bank. 

The American Psychological Association put out an excellent podcast episode on how important it is to discuss finances to help eliminate some of the shame that can be associated with poor spending habits. It’s easy for a problem to persist if you don’t address it. So, sit down with your parents and get an idea of what their financial situation is and what that means for their desired care plan as they age. 

Many older adults might wish to remain in their homes, or to only receive in-home care should they ever require assistance, but their financial situation might not allow for this to happen, and, if that’s the case, then it’s better to know sooner rather than later so an alternative plan can be put in place. Here are a few of the items you might want to discuss during financial meetings:

• What is your parents’ financial situation? Are they in debt? Do they have investments? What kind of retirement savings or other benefits are they receiving each month?
• What would your parents like their future to look like? Do they intend to downsize? Do they have a support plan in place?
• Are your parents dealing with any medical conditions that could worsen? What will happen if their circumstances change?
• Do they have a financial advisor? 
• Are there any additional benefits that they are eligible for?

Even though you might cover a lot of ground during this conversation, it’s important to remember that this kind of communication needs to be ongoing. Initial plans are important to make, but circumstances can change in an instant, so it’s important to have regular check-ins to address any evolving needs as they happen. The more you talk about it, the less awkward it will feel, until eventually it’s just a small part of your relationship. 

2. Educate Your Parent on Scams

Unfortunately, many older adults in the United States fall victims to financial scams each year, with some schemes resulting in an older adult losing the entirety of their retirement savings. An elder fraud report for 2022 discovered that more than 88 thousand older adults had been targeted, with an astonishing 3.1 billion in total losses. 

Many scammers intentionally prey on members of older generations because it is more likely that they might not be aware of common types of scams, and due to confusion or cognitive decline might not be able to immediately identify the warning signs that something is false. 

Scams are also intentionally designed to scare someone by making them believe that they are in deep financial trouble, or that someone they love is in need of immediate help. Scammers then count on the goodhearted desire in most people to do the right thing, which can result in an older person handing over thousands of dollars without telling anyone what’s happening. 

Unfortunately, many people are so ashamed at the thought of falling for a scam that they might not reach out for help, or convince themselves that they would never be caught up in one, and so continue to hand over money even if they have some nagging doubts in the back of their minds. 

Scams have become such a serious issue facing older adults that it’s very important that they be made aware of the kind of scams that they might be faced with. Yes, some senior centers and banks do try to raise awareness, but the more this issue is talked about, the better the chance is that fewer people will fall for a scam, so it’s a great way for adult children to help their parents protect their finances. While there are constantly new scams being cooked up, here are some of the most commonly used financial scams, as outlined by the National Council on Aging, that you can tell your parents to be on the lookout for:

1. Government scams. These scams generally involve a text or a call that claims someone owes the government money. Severe fines or jail time is often threatened if the person doesn’t pay right away. 
2. Sweepstakes. In this scam a person will be told that they won some kind of prize or sometimes the lottery. It is usually a large amount of money that they are told they have won, but in order to claim it they must first pay a fee in order to be able to access their money. 
3. Grandparent scams. This scam involves someone calling an older adult and claiming to be one of their grandchildren. They will then say that they are in deep trouble and need help. Other versions of this scam might even involve someone posing as a kidnapper or a police officer and saying that if the older adult doesn’t pay up then their grandchild will be hurt or arrested. 

Check out the article above for further information on these scams and other possible scenarios. 

When talking to your parents about scams, here are a few important things that you should tell them. 

1. If they are told they owe money to the government or some sort of agency, then they should go speak to someone at the bank. Scammers are able to manipulate calls to look like they’re coming from legitimate numbers, and might send out what look like official documents, but anything official is never going to be so urgent, or ask you to keep the details private or pay through something like an e-transfer, cryptocurrency or gift cards. Instead, your parents should go to the bank if they ever have any questions. 
2. If they get a call from someone they believe to be in trouble, tell them to alert the authorities, and then to contact the grandchild or other family members. Again, scammers can pretend to be other people, and are sometimes even able to make calls look like they’re coming from a number you recognize! Although this might look scary, it’s always important to confirm a situation is true before acting out of panic. 

Something else you can do is help your parents speak to their bank to see what protections are in place to help protect them against scams. You might be able to put an alert system in place that only allows a certain amount of money out at a time, which can help protect against these kinds of scams.

3. Discuss Power of Attorney

While hearing the words power of attorney can sometimes make people anxious, it’s something that should definitely be discussed when talking through your parents’ finances. But first off all, let’s dig into what the term means:

Having power of attorney basically means that you are in charge of handling the finances of someone else. Power of attorney might be given to a loved one or a legal professional, and it might happen due to something like cognitive decline or temporary illness. 

Because illness can happen very suddenly, it’s important that everyone has a legal document in place that lays out who they would like to act as their power of attorney, along with their desires for how they would like their finances to be managed. Someone can appoint different people to be in charge of different areas of their finances. 

Having your parents sign these documents can help them feel relaxed, knowing that their finances will be taken care of by someone they trust should there ever be a need for it. Investopedia lays out some great advice for what to think about when selecting an appropriate power of attorney.

4. Update Documents

You might be surprised at how many people, even those who are advancing in years, don’t have a will or any idea of how they want to organize their affairs as they age. While no one wants to think about falling ill or dying, the truth is that we never know how much time we have left, and it’s important that we make sure that we are not leaving behind a confusing mess of paperwork for our loved ones when we pass, or if a situation occurs where we are unable to make our own legal decisions. 

This is why it’s so important that you encourage your parents to update their wills and any directives they wish to have in place as early as possible. Of course, nothing needs to be set in stone, and they can certainly make addendums if anything comes that they would like to change at a later date. 

Something else to consider when it comes to documentation is what is known as a living will. A living will is similar to a regular will, except it’s activated in the event that someone becomes incapacitated, but is still alive. A living will allows someone to lay out what kind of medical intervention they would like performed, whether or not they prefer to remain on life support, and whether or not they prefer to donate their organs. Having a living ensures someone’s wishes are respected and can take the burden off of loved ones having to make some of those difficult decisions. An older adult might opt to appoint a healthcare proxy instead of having a living will. This is someone who will make their medical decisions for them in the event that they are not able to make those decisions for themselves. 

5. What is Your Involvement

While many of us want to provide our parents with the most comfortable retirement we can, there is always going to be some kind of limit to your involvement, and it’s important that you have a clear boundary when it comes to how much you are going to commit, both timing-wise, emotionally and financially. Planning for old age can be difficult because no one knows exactly how long they are going to live, even if you are in a situation where your parent has been given a serious diagnosis. So while you might be OK with giving a certain amount of time or money for a few months, that same kind of commitment might not be possible six months or six years down the road. 

This is something you should be open about right from the very beginning, when you first sit down to discuss finances. And ideally it’s a good idea to decide what you are able to commit to before you have that first talk. You might not be in a place where you are able to, or willing to provide financial support to your parents. And you are not under any obligation to do so. However, even if you can’t help them out financially, there are still many other ways for you to offer support with your time or organizational skills, so it’s a good idea to know what role you are willing to play as your parents age. Of course, nothing is ever set in stone, so if you suddenly find yourself a millionaire then perhaps you might be willing to offer some more support, but it’s important to plan for what your reality is right now so that you don’t have to have an uncomfortable conversation if your parent falls ill. 

Even if you want to help, it’s important to know your own limits. Don’t offer more time or money than what you are willing and able to part with. If you push your own boundaries then you are just opening up the gates to resentment. 

With a little bit of planning and conversation you can help your parents age with financial ease, so pick up the phone and get that communication going! Remember, it’s all about giving you more quality time together, so why waste another minute?