Sometimes the pressure of the holiday season can create a rollercoaster of emotion for older adults. This might have been a time of year that used to bring them great joy, but now they are struggling with loneliness and a feeling that they’re losing control. Coupled with the idea that this is the time of year when they really should feel happy, and it can leave older adults at a higher risk of suffering from anxiety and depression, just as others are joyfulling trimming their tree.

As a caregiver you are likely already dealing with your own personal stress when it comes to the holidays. Caring for the rest of your family, dealing with work commitments and somehow trying to fit in some kind of social life, it can be easy to become overwhelmed. But thankfully, we’re here to help. Read on to find out how you can manage you and your loved ones’ expectations so that you can actually enjoy the holidays. 

Talk in Advance

It’s very common for the holidays to erupt into arguments and disappointments simply because nobody talked to each other about their expectations. Everyone has their own feelings about how the holidays should go and what will make the season joyful for them. However, it’s helpful to find out what is truly important. You might want a big dinner, but only because you think that’s what other people want. In reality other people might not care as much, and doing all that cooking just stresses you out. Instead, maybe you can simplify things by having a big breakfast and a smaller dinner, ordering take out or getting catering. Don’t get stuck in the idea of what a holiday should be. 

Sit down with the people you’re going to celebrate the holidays with and talk through what’s important to everyone. There might have to be some adjustments due to cost or logistics, but see what might be possible. Did you used to all go to a movie together but now it’s just too expensive or the older adult you care for isn’t able to due to mobility limitations? Instead, maybe you can rent a movie at home and get some fun movie theater snacks like popcorn and candy. That way you can still prioritize what’s important but do it in a way that works for you. 

In addition to having a conversation before the holidays, you should also check in later. Make sure everyone remembers what was talked about so there won’t be any confusion, especially with someone whose memory might not be as strong as it used to be. These check-ins don’t need to be lengthy, just a good testing of the temperature.

Ask for What You Need

Don’t feel like you have to go through this season alone. Even if you are a single parent you can still ask for help from friends, family members and even coworkers. This might look like leaving work an hour early to get some shopping done, or asking a friend to pick up your kid on the last day of school. And, it’s also important to ask whoever you’re celebrating the holidays with to pitch in when it comes to the celebrations. This is especially true if someone wants something (discussed during the talk mentioned above), but it feels like too big of a commitment for you to do on your own. For example, if your partner or teenager loves having a big christmas dinner, but that’s something that you don’t have the capacity to do on your own, then agree on how they can best help you with that task. Maybe that’s peeling the potatoes, cleaning the house or agreeing to forgo homemade gravy this year. It’s unfair to have all the expectations of the holiday fall on you, so make it clear that if loved ones have certain expectations then they need to contribute to help make them possible. 

If it’s the loved one you care for that’s asking for something that feels out of reach, then it’s important to have an honest conversation with them about your limitations. Try to dig into what it is that they’re really after. If they’re asking for a big dinner then maybe all they’re seeking is a moment of connection, which can be had with a dedicated time together sharing tea and cookies. Or maybe they really love a particular dish at dinner, and agreeing to make that one dish with more modest sides might help fill that yearning. There’s usually a way to meet peoples’ needs, but you just have to talk to them to find out how. 

Of course, sometimes there can be push back against asking for help, especially if it’s from family who aren’t used to pitching in the past. Be prepared to stand your ground. Be kind but firm with your boundaries. It might feel awkward at first, but it will feel much worse if you agree to put together a holiday celebration that you don’t have the energy for. 

Schedule

Sometimes we just need a bit of predictability in our lives. Keeping a schedule is a great way to stay organized during the holidays while also keeping emotions in check. Writing everything down can help you stay on track of commitments, while also staying realistic about what is doing, and what you and your loved ones actually want to prioritize. 

Psychology Today tells us that anticipating an event we’re looking forward to can be very good for our mental health, something that is extra useful during such a busy time of year. If you and the older adult you care for are able to agree on some favorite holiday traditions and have them written down in the calendar then the excitement and anticipation of that event can help keep everyone in a good mood. 

However, there are a few important things to consider here. While it is nice to have events to look forward to, you don’t want to build them up too much. Try to simply look forward to getting to experience something, no matter how it turns out. You don’t want to look forward to drinking hot chocolate at a market just to arrive and find they’ve run out, or go to a concert and find they’re not singing the song you’d been looking forward to hearing. Instead, try to focus on simply enjoying whatever experience you have, and being open to it being different from previous years or other events you’ve been to. Sometimes we build something up so much in our head that once we get there we can be let down if it’s not exactly what we imagined. But there is still so much good and fun to be had that it would be a pity to be so distracted by minor details that you can’t enjoy it. 

Something else to think about is the weather conditions of the event. Is there any chance it could be cancelled, and if so, do you have a backup plan? You don’t have to plan anything extensive, but having a few ideas in the back of your mind can help avoid any meltdowns. 

Finally, be sure to schedule appropriately when it comes to timing. Account for traffic, parking, and whether or not you require a ticket for where you’re going. Research might seem tedious, but it can save you a big headache down the road!

Build New Traditions

Something that can be upsetting for older adults is that certain elements of their life might need to adjust as they get older, and that certain holiday traditions might not be possible for them anymore. That might be because of their mobility – downhill skiing might not be safe, or their hands might be too stiff to make hundreds of cookies to deliver to friends and family. And it might be too challenging for you or someone else to take over certain traditions, or you might not be interested in the traditions they want to continue. 

Instead, it might be a good idea to take this as an opportunity not to mourn the loss of old traditions, but to celebrate the creation of new ones. Maybe instead of hours spent cooking decorating you can buy a few treats and make a simple ice cream sundae bar. Maybe skiing is out but there’s a beautiful light display you could go look at, or maybe even a sleigh ride? Or maybe you try things that are completely different from any tradition you’ve had before. Try making a brand new type of cuisine for dinner, or compete to see who can find the cheesiest holiday movie and predict the ending together. At the end of the day, most people just want to spend the holidays with the people they love, so don’t worry too much about how that comes about as long as you’re there for each other. If you want to learn more about how to build new traditions, take a look at this article by The Good Trade. 

Be Vulnerable

On that same topic, there can be a lot of sadness around the holidays due to the people who are not with us. While it might be tempting to ignore these absences and put on a happy face, that pain is still going to be there, so why not face it? It doesn’t have to dominate the holiday, but have an honest conversation about your sadness that that person or people are not there with you. Perhaps there can be a way to celebrate them, like putting down a place for them at dinner, making a dish they loved, or simply spending an evening sharing photos and stories. 

Prioritize Mental Health

When planning out your holiday schedule make sure that you’re allowing time for what brings you peace. It’s hard to keep your cool in a stressful situation if you are overtired and haven’t had a chance to unwind. And the loved one you care for might also be in desperate need of a little TLC. Perhaps you book both of you therapy appointments. Your loved one can find a wonderful therapist focused on the needs of older adults at Total Life. 

When planning a new tradition you might even consider adding in some that are specifically focused on self care. Maybe you plan a spa night where you soak your feet in warm water and put on face masks. Or maybe self care looks like going for a swim or enjoying a delicious burger. Whatever is going to make you feel your best you should do it, because it will help you show up as your best and happiest self. 

Remember, that even though a little indulgence can feel good sometimes, a big part of keeping our minds and body healthy is through a healthy diet, sleep and exercise, so while self care might be enjoying a glass of wine or some chocolates now and then, it’s important that that doesn’t tip over into a binge that will have the opposite effect than was intended. Instead, focus on habits that can make you feel good, with cues from Healthline.

Make Gifts Easy

It doesn’t matter how old you get, it can still be easy to be disappointed if you don’t get the gift you were hoping for. It’s also distressingly easy to overspend during the holidays, because you might think you need to go all out in order for your loved ones to enjoy the season.

Giving and receiving gifts should be joyful so why over complicate it? Set some guidelines for gift giving this year, so that you can relax, and everyone can feel confident that they’ll receive something they need or want. Here are some things to think about:

• Cost. If finances are tight, or if you know that some loved ones might feel self conscious about the amount they can afford, it might be a good idea to set a price limit. This way no one has to feel overburdened, or like they didn’t spend enough on a present when someone got them a gift that cost way more. 
• Consider assigning gifts. If you and your family are in a place to get gifts for everyone and you want to do so then that’s totally fine, but if that seems stressful and too expensive then why not participate in a secret santa or some other kind of gift exchange, like the ones suggested on Martha Stewart? This way everyone still gets something, but you don’t have to worry about buying gifts for a dozen people. 
• Make wish lists. If you want something specific then let that be known. Not everyone is a good gift-getter, and having a list can alleviate stress while ensuring you still get something you want. Have everyone else make a list as well. And be sure to check in with others – is there something they really need? Try to focus on others’ wishes. Sometimes you might want to give something fun but your loved one might want something practical like socks or a giftcard to a grocery store. If you get them something fun then you’re buying for you, not for them. Listening to each other allows everyone to be happy. 
• Discuss if you and your loved ones actually want gifts. Sometimes families just want to spend time together and the gifts aren’t important. Gifts can be a love language so don’t ignore that if that’s the case, but often quality time or something simple and small is just what the holiday calls for. 

Holidays can be difficult, so be sure to give you and your loved ones grace. However, with a bit of planning and the implementation of the tips above, you should be looking at a jolly holiday.

Holiday season can be a lot of fun! The sparkling lights, warm family dinners, and cheesy Hallmark movies bring a feeling of cheer and joy like no other. However, this time of year can also feel lonely—especially if you’re living alone, or can’t get out like you used to. No matter the reason, it can be very difficult to see everyone feeling the joy while you’re feeling down. While anyone can struggle with holiday blues, the unfortunate truth is that older adults are often most affected.

Luckily, even though it may be hard to see, there are ways to make your holidays feel brighter. With an open mind and willingness to adapt, you’ll be surprised at just how many ways you can make changes for the better.

Common Challenges

Many things can cause you to feel down during the holidays. As an older adult, life can feel harder in general as a result of your aging body, even outside of the holiday season. Joint problems, mobility issues, and health conditions like arthritis, diabetes, and chronic pain can all add up and start to weigh on you; this in turn can impact your mental health, and can lead to conditions like depression and anxiety in severe cases. For example, according to the National Institute on Aging, people with other medical conditions, sleep problems, and those who are socially isolated—all common in older adults—are at a greater risk of developing depression. Add in the dark and gloomy weather of winter, and these feelings can become overwhelming.

The weather can also make it harder to get outside for purely practical reasons. As temperatures grow colder, you may need to deal with ice, snow, rain, and other hazardous conditions. For those who have fallen in the past, or those who have osteoporosis, this can be an especially big concern, and may prevent you from going out as much as you would like to. This, paired with the age-related challenges mentioned earlier, can lead to the first common challenge: isolation.

The second common challenge is past memories. While many of you likely have fond memories of holidays past, these memories can also feel bittersweet. Perhaps you’ve lost a loved one, and Christmas just doesn’t feel the same without them. You may have also moved to a new place and therefore be feeling uprooted from your usual holiday traditions and events. No matter your circumstance, nostalgia can be both pleasant and painful.

Similarly, holiday staples such as gift-giving can also feel both heartwarming and stressful. If you have retired, it can make spending money a bit more of a balancing act than it may have been in your earlier years. Even if you’re still working, it is natural to feel anxious about your spending, whether it be on decorations, food, or presents. This season certainly places a lot of emphasis on lavish displays of wealth! If you live far away from relatives and family members there may also be pressure to visit for the holidays, which can amplify financial stress. 

No matter your challenge, be it finances, mobility, weather, or something else, making simple changes can usually make a surprisingly big difference.

Overcoming Isolation in Person

But what exactly are these small changes? How can you improve your holidays without sacrificing your traditions? Let’s start with the first common challenge for older adults, which is isolation.

Since isolation can cause or worsen conditions like depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline, it is very important to prevent it. To do this, you’ll need to find ways to stay connected with others—luckily, that’s what this season is all about! You may have family traditions like gingerbread house competitions, or a specific concert that you go to each year, which can be great ways to bring people together. In case you don’t have any traditions, or are looking for more inspiration, we have put together several suggestions below.

If the weather is looking nice, going outside to look at Christmas lights can be a fun, low-key outing. Be sure to bundle up as temperatures can drop quickly, especially at night. If you’re hoping to avoid the chill, you could try pairing the walk with a warm restaurant dinner, or a mug of hot chocolate at a local cafe. You might also choose to drive instead of walking, if the temperatures are especially brisk. Just make sure that your driver keeps their eyes on the road!

If you’re hoping to get out of the house but don’t fancy getting food or looking at decorations, you could try a holiday concert! In larger cities, there are usually plenty of options to choose from; a quick search on Google or a browse through your local newspaper can point you in the right direction. If you live in a more rural area, many concerts have an online live streaming option that can allow you to view from your own home! Gathering a few of your friends and watching the show, in person or virtually, can help to bring festive cheer back into your life.

For those of you who prefer to have a cozy night in, try gathering your loved ones to make holiday bakes and crafts. Some ideas include shortbread cookies, gingerbread (bonus points if you make houses with them!), Christmas pudding, or any other baked good that puts you in a festive mood. You can also bake your cookies or gingerbread ahead of time, and then host a cookie decorating party—if you have young grandkids, this can be a great way to bond with them. If you’re more of a crafter than a baker, you might try making some ornaments, wreathes, or handmade cards for your family and friends. The world is your oyster!

In an ideal world, we would be able to see our loved ones whenever we wanted to; however, this is unfortunately not the reality for most people. As an older adult, you may experience this more than others, especially if you have any health issues or are living in a retirement home. Your schedule may also not align with your family members or friends. You may even live in a completely different area of the world! Whatever the case, if meeting in person isn’t feasible, you may want to look into virtual calling platforms. Some examples include Zoom, Google Meet (a great option as it is linked to gmail, which you may already have), and Skype, all of which are free. If you aren’t very tech savvy, you could try to get a loved one to help you out next time they come over, or enlist the help of a neighbour. After setting things up, do your best to call people as much as possible, even if you aren’t very comfortable with technology yet. Practice may not make perfect, but it definitely makes things easier.

Dealing With Past Memories

As an older adult, your past memories may also become a challenge for you. Holidays often come with many associated memories, which can be both joyful and painful. As you grow older, you may also start to experience a loss of memories; conditions such as Alzheimer’s can make previously cherished memories blur and fade, leading to an overwhelming sense of loss. However, just as with other challenges, there are ways to make this easier for you.

If you are struggling with lost or faded holiday memories, going back to your time honoured traditions might just make things a little clearer. According to University of Florida Health, participating in familiar activities can offer you a sense of stability, reduce anxiety, and improve feelings of disorientation. Whether it’s baking your special holiday cookies, listening to your favourite Christmas song, or eating dinner with your family, including these traditions in your holiday activities can offer comfort during these overwhelming times.

Reminding yourself of positive past memories can also help you to reminisce in a positive way. Family photo albums, home videos, scrapbooks, diaries, and similar things can all hold many previously forgotten memories. Looking at pictures from specific trips or years can also help to sharpen fuzzy memories! As you go through these, you may also be able to recall stories to share with your family and friends, which is a great way to bond and pass on your valuable knowledge.

Even if your past holiday memories are not sources of joy, it doesn’t mean that you cannot make new, more positive memories now. Beyond hanging out with your loved ones, you might also try giving back to your community through volunteer work. Many churches will host Christmas lunches to support unhoused or low-income persons, which can be a great way to spread kindness and cheer during the holidays. If you knit, crochet, or sew, making warm hats and scarves for those in need may also be an option. No matter the cause you choose to support, generosity will always be in season!

It is important to note that it is natural to experience feelings of loss, disorientation, and sadness due to past memories. Allowing yourself to experience these emotions as they come and accepting them can actually help you to feel better in the long run. Consequently, holding back these feelings and forcing yourself to feel cheerful can lead to a worse mental state. This is not to say that intense, intrusive, or highly distressing thoughts should be ignored—far from it. If your negative emotions are disrupting your day-to-day life, you may have a more serious condition. If you are struggling, always seek help through qualified mental health professionals.

Overcoming Financial Stress

The final common challenge that we have touched on is financial stress. As mentioned above, holidays often place a lot of emphasis on gift giving; but sometimes, the best thing you can give is the gift of time spent together with those you love. While opulent displays of affection are often praised, holidays should be about connecting with others—try not to lose sight of that.

However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t give gifts! Giving someone a personalized present can be a great way of showing how well you know them and how much they mean to you. If you enjoy giving presents to your family and friends, but are working within a tighter budget, try creating handmade gifts from things you already have. This also has the bonus of making your gifts feel more special, since putting in the work to create a gift can make it much more meaningful than simply buying it. If you do any kind of crafting—knitting, crocheting, painting, sewing, etc—try putting those skills to use! Chances are that you already have a stash of supplies, meaning that you’ll be less likely to have to spend lots of money. If you do need to get some supplies, try to create a budget and stick to it. Get creative if you have to!

Even if you don’t consider yourself an artistic person, there are several other ways that you can make your own gifts. For example, if you have a few special recipes that you’d like to pass on to your children or grandkids, you could make a recipe book or set of recipe cards. With an unused notebook, some cardstock, or simply a hole-punch and some yarn, you might just start a family cookbook that will be passed down for generations to come. And, if you have some artists in the family, you could turn the process of making the recipe book into a bonding moment by inviting them to add their own personal touches. Another example is gifting propagated plant cuttings, if you happen to have a green thumb. Though these gifts may not seem like much, they might just turn into cherished family heirlooms down the line.

Another big money-sink during the holidays is travel. If the majority of your family lives out of state, you may be expected to make the trek out to see them, which can quickly eat up your budget. Whenever possible, having family members visit you instead of going out to visit them can greatly lower the strain on your wallet. However, this isn’t always possible. Maybe your child just had a kid of their own and doesn’t want to travel with a newborn, or your nieces have other plans that they can’t cancel; there are many, many reasons why things might not work out. If your budget is tight, joining family events virtually can ease financial stress while still giving you that crucial connection with your relatives. While this isn’t the ideal situation, it can help to give you a bit more money to work with. If you play your cards right, this might even help you to make the trip out to see them in person next year.

Otherwise, doing some odd jobs to make some extra money can give you some more financial freedom. Many online sites have lists of potential earning opportunities for older adults, including this one by Indeed. Some highlights from this list include tutoring, working as a consultant, and doing freelance work with your past experience. If you have retired, you likely have a fairly impressive resume with lots of work experience—why not put it to work?

Final Remarks

While they can be beautiful and full of joy, the holidays can be a tricky time of year—especially as an older adult. Whether you are dealing with loss, social isolation, tighter budgets, or anything else, it is important to understand that you are not alone. There are many ways in which you can start to turn things around, like participating in accessible activities, going virtual, and switching your focus from presents to presence. In the end, remember: the holidays are not about the food, or the gifts; they’re about building connection, giving love, and spreading cheer so that everyone can feel it.