Sometimes the biggest hurdle to adding something new into your life is figuring out how you can incorporate it into your routine. You might be eager to start going to therapy, but you find it difficult to find the time, or maybe you’re simply feeling anxious about going, and so you keep putting it off and putting it off…That ends today! Therapy is something that is designed to make you feel better, so it’s important to prioritize it. Today, we’re going to go in depth on how you can make therapy part of your routine so that you can focus on improving your mental 

health. 

First, Find a Therapist

The first step is finding a therapist. Some people have been turned off from therapy because they went to someone they didn’t like, or tried a form of therapy that wasn’t a good fit and they stopped going because they assumed that that’s what all therapy is like and that if it didn’t work for them on the first go then it would never work for them at all. And the reality is that that couldn’t be further from the truth. Going to therapy is a little bit like dating. Sure, some people find a really good fit on the first date, but most other people need to go out with a few people before they find someone they really like. Sometimes you might even date someone for years and then realize that you love them but you’ve outgrown them, and you need someone else to take you on at this different stage in your life. 

Yes, talking to different therapists does take a bit of time and energy, but don’t forget that you are doing this as a way to prioritize yourself. Your health is worth spending this time. And, most therapists offer free introductory meetings of around 15 minutes, which is a great way to figure out if they might be a good fit for you. 

Because it can often be hard taking the first step, it’s a good idea to try to schedule a few of these meetings in the same week. That way you can get the annoyance of finding a good fit out of the way. 

Before you seek out a therapist, visit this article by Medical News Today. It gives you a helpful rundown on some of the different types of therapy that are available. Of course it might be difficult to decide on what is right for you without trying it, but it can give you a good place to start. You might be surprised at what works, so don’t write something off right away – it might just be the thing that changes your life for the better. 

Put Aside Time in Your Schedule 

Some people are able to keep track of their entire schedule in their head without a second thought. But, for the grand majority of the population that is not the case. If you haven’t put aside a designated time for therapy to happen each week then it’s a lot more likely that you’ll never do it. It’s amazing how fast time can slip by when you’re not paying attention. Suddenly you realize that it’s been four months since you said you were going to go to therapy, and now it seems like such an overwhelming task that why would you bother going for it now?

That’s certainly not something you want to have happen, so in order to avoid that you need to put aside time every week in your schedule that’s dedicated to therapy. Don’t just put an hour, make sure you put buffer time on each side of your appointment to make sure you’re not rushed going into it, or feel like you don’t have any time after to decompress or do something nice for yourself (something we’ll cover later in this article).

And, while of course there may be times when you have to switch your appointment time, do try to keep your therapy as consistent as possible, as in choosing the same time each week. Remember, this is about making therapy a part of your routine, and what do we like about routine? The structure and predictability that it provides us. Having therapy at the same time each week gives us something to look forward to and prepare for. Maybe you jot down some feelings or experiences you have throughout the week to bring into your session, or maybe you plan your therapy as a complete day off for yourself so that you can fully dedicate it towards your mental health. However you decide to plan it, making it a part of your regular routine is beneficial to your health in numerous ways. Northwestern Medicine tells us that routine can lower our stress, get better sleep and even focus on better eating and exercise habits. Plus, the idea is that therapy is going to improve your mental well-being as well, so you’re getting a double whammy of goodness by not only doing therapy, but making it a part of your regular routine. Go you!

Take Away Barriers

Sometimes we don’t do things because of something else that’s in our way. While there might be some serious and difficult to navigate barriers like money or time spent caring for others, there are other barriers that might be small in reality, but loom large in our minds. This might be something like nervousness around taking a bus to an appointment, or having trouble signing into an online account to take your therapy session. So, to get past these barriers you need to figure out ways to make therapy as easy as possible for you so that you aren’t tempted to forgo it because of something easily solvable. Arrange for a loved one to drive you each week, or commit to taking a cab. Or investigate those feelings around the bus – are you worried about getting lost or not making it in time? Take an earlier bus and go to a coffee shop nearby to enjoy a relaxing tea before your appointment. Study the bus routes to make sure you know exactly where to get on and off the bus and make sure to keep track of the schedule. Also be sure to keep the number of any emergency contacts on you as well as the phone number for the transit system, so you can call someone for help if needed. 

If you’re doing therapy online or over the phone, which is a very popular option on sites like Total Life, keep step by step instructions beside your computer or tablet so that you don’t need to worry about remembering how to sign in. Get a good set of headphones so you can hear well, and set up a cozy nook in your home where you can relax and do your therapy appointment in private. 

It’s the same kind of concept of putting your gym clothes at the foot of your bed, or making breakfast the night before. Sometimes it’s little things like that that can hold us back from taking part in activities that we know will make us feel better, so why not make it easier for ourselves? Remove the barriers that are standing in your way. It doesn’t matter if they’re a barrier for someone else or not. Everyone has their own blocks, so don’t obsess over whether or not your barrier is “reasonable.” If it’s making it difficult for you to do therapy then it’s something you need to find a solution to. It will feel so much better once you do.  

Do Something Nice For Yourself After

Everyone enjoys having something to look forward to, so why not make it a part of your post therapy routine? Yes, therapy itself might be something that you look forward to, but for many the thought of your weekly therapy session might bring up some conflicting feelings. While it’s true that therapy should help your mental well-being in the long term, it can often be difficult to process some of the feelings that can come up in therapy, especially if you’re not used to being open about your emotions. Talking through your feelings can be difficult and often quite exhausting, and you might find yourself feeling very drained after your sessions. 

That’s why there’s two things you should think about for after your sessions. One is to never plan anything too intensive after an appointment. You don’t want to rush off to a public event or focus on anything that takes up a lot of your thought or energy. You want time to relax and think about some of the things you and your therapist talked about, as there is often a lot of reflection that can happen after some of the discussions you might have in your sessions. 

The other thing you should do is to plan something nice for yourself. See it as a kind of reward for doing something that’s difficult. It might seem silly, but it’s important that we are kind to ourselves and give ourselves a little pat on the back for doing something hard. It’s like getting your kid an ice cream after taking a difficult school exam or playing a soccer game. Everyone is deserving of a little bit of pampering – why not you? 

What you do is up to you. It doesn’t have to be something big and extravagant, just something that makes you feel good. It might be getting yourself a cookie from your local bakery, or curling up in a blanket and listening to some good music for 30 minutes. Or maybe you make yourself a fancy dinner and watch a favorite movie. It can be the same thing, or you can decide on a new treat each week, but do try to make it part of your routine. You can’t control how you’ll feel in therapy, and it can be scary to commit to doing something each week that feels so unpredictable. But, if you know that you’ve put aside time to do something you enjoy after each session, then it’ll make it easier to do the scary thing each week. 

Focus on Other Healthy Habits

If you want to improve your mental well-being, then therapy is a great place to start. But it won’t be therapy alone that will make a difference. While it’s a great first step, improving your mental health means taking a look at all areas of your life to see what is and isn’t serving you. It’s probably going to be hard to stick to therapy without making some changes to the rest of your life – but there’s a good chance that’s why you’ve decided to go to therapy in the first place!

Mental wellness is not just about your mind, but about what’s going on throughout your body. It’s hard to feel centered or peaceful if you’re not getting enough sleep and all you’ve had to eat today is junk food. It’s likely that you’ll talk through some lifestyle changes with your therapist, but in the meantime think about small changes you can make right now to improve your overall routine and help you stick with therapy long-term. The key here is really to focus on little, achievable goals. If you aim for major changes too quickly then it can be difficult to stick to your new routine and it’s a lot more likely that you’ll fall back into your own habits and grow frustrated with yourself. Everyone will find what works for them, but here are a few ideas of some small changes you can make in your life that can contribute to better mental wellness. 

• Have a glass of water every morning. Staying hydrated is important, and starting each day with a glass of water is a nice refreshing way to set you up for success.
• Add a vegetable to every meal. Instead of trying to drastically change your diet, why not add something healthy? Add some broccoli, pepper, carrots or a side salad to every meal for some extra nutrients and fiber. 
• Add five minutes of movement to your day. No matter how busy you are, there’s always time for five minutes of movement. Put on a YouTube video, walk around the block, or simply stand up and dance. Any amount of movement is going to make a positive difference to your health. 
• Do a breathing exercise. There are lots of meditation apps and even YouTube videos that offer guided breathing exercises that are just a few minutes long! It’s a great way to take a quick pause to focus on calming down each day. 
• Set a timer and clean. When we’re in a bad space sometimes a mess can get out of hand. Instead of trying to tackle it all at once, set short timers and commit to cleaning whatever you can for just that amount of time. You’d be amazed at what you might be able to accomplish in just 5 minutes. You can do it once or even several times a day. Suddenly those messes might not seem so overwhelming. 

Hopefully this article gave you some helpful tips on how to make therapy a consistent part of your routine. Remember, it can take time to establish any habit, so be patient with yourself if you struggle or get frustrated. Before long it should be a regular part of your week. 

Some people think that therapy is only for people in the midst of a severe mental health crisis, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. While of course therapy is very helpful to those who are struggling with a serious mental health condition, it’s also a useful tool for anyone at any stage of life. Older adults in particular might benefit from sessions with a therapist, as they might be dealing with unique challenges as they age. In this article we’ll look at some of the reasons why therapy might be right for you, and the benefits you might experience from doing so. 

Life Transitions

A common issue for older adults is figuring out how to process major life transitions. While everyone experiences changes throughout their lives, many older adults have been living in the same place and going through the same routine for many years, maybe even decades, so a sudden major change might be a lot more jarring than it might be for, say, a young college student. 

Before we get into different kinds of life transitions, let’s talk about what it means. A life transition is basically any kind of major change that happens in one’s professional or personal life. Sometimes these changes might be viewed as negative or extremely positive, but in either case, they are likely to come with a wide range of emotions and upheaval in one’s life. Here are some examples of life transitions

• Retirement. While retirement is often a joyful an exciting time, it is still a major life change, and some older adults struggle with finding a sense of purpose now that they don’t have a regular job to give their attention to. 
• Death of a spouse. The death of a spouse or long-term partner is obviously devastating, but can also force a lot of other changes in one’s life. A spouse may have been providing support for chronic illness, or done a lot of the work around the house that the other person is no longer capable of, such as cooking or landscaping. And, even if the surviving partner is still capable and completely independent, the feelings accompanying such a major loss can be difficult to process alone. 
• Moving. Many older adults might choose to move cities to be closer to their adult children, but this can mean moving to an unfamiliar place where they don’t have an existing community. Another type of move might be into assisted living or long term care. This might bring up feelings of sadness and resentment at losing some independence and being in an unfamiliar environment. 
• Birth of a grandchild. While this is obviously a wonderful event, it can change a family’s dynamic, and sometimes conversations around how much help is expected can be difficult to navigate. 

A therapist can help you work through the complicated feelings that can surround the above or any other life transitions you may be facing. Not only will this help to lessen some of your own stress, but it can also allow you to focus on more of the positives in your own life, like spending enjoyable time with loved ones, or finding a new hobby to explore in your retirement. 

Cognitive Decline

Cognitive decline is a reduction in one’s mental ability and may affect memory, judgement and awareness and mood. Everyone experiences a small amount of cognitive decline as a natural side effect of aging, but for some it may be much more aggressive. This might be due to brain injury, various diseases, or a condition like dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. 

While some conditions, like Alzheimer’s, don’t have a cure, therapy can still be very helpful for those experiencing cognitive decline to help with the management of symptoms and the complex feelings that accompany them. Dealing with cognitive decline can introduce feelings of intense grief, anger and sadness, and although loved ones may be supportive, they may not know how to help you process your feelings around it. A therapist, especially one who is trained on an issue like cognitive decline, can be there to listen and help you sort out your feelings on the subject. 

There is even research out there that suggests that different forms of therapy may be able to slow some of the advancement of cognitive decline, including the use of arts therapy. While nothing is conclusive, the results seem to be generally positive, so it seems well worth giving a shot. 

Loneliness

One of the most common issues faced by older adults is feelings of loneliness. Over 40% of older adults report feeling lonely at some point, which is far too many people who are dealing with feelings of isolation. 

There are many reasons why someone might struggle with loneliness. As people age they tend to lose friends and family who they might have lived with or seen regularly. This of course leaves holes in one’s life that can be difficult to fill. And, even if there hasn’t yet been any significant losses, it’s not uncommon for older adults to not be as social as they once were. This might be due to feeling out of touch with the rest of society, or even like you’re invisible to others. Many older adults report feeling ignored by younger members of society, like they don’t matter. 

Illness or poor mental health can also create feelings of loneliness by making it difficult to go out to social events due to fear or embarrassment. 

Whatever the reason, a therapist can help you work through your feelings and offer tips to help you not only better manage your thoughts, but ideas on how you can become more social. While family and friends might encourage you to just “get out there,” they might not be able to offer the best advice on how to socialize in a way that feels comfortable to you. But, a therapist can speak to you about your concerns and help you find a way to spend time with others without pushing you too far past your comfort zone. 

Mental Health

The National Library of Medicine tells us that over 20% of people over the age of 55 have some kind of mental health concern. This can range from conditions like depression and anxiety to bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. While many mental health conditions, like the latter two, require medication to help an individual stabilize, all mental health conditions can be supported by also working with a therapist. A therapist can provide tools that can help an individual with a mental health problem better manage their symptoms, which can allow someone to take charge of their own life and focus on what makes them happy. 

Some older adults might have been dealing with mental illness for quite some time, but it may show up more aggressively as you age. This might be due to changing habits, loneliness, retirement, or because your mind and body changes as you age, and symptoms that didn’t bother you as much when you were younger might be a bit harder to ignore these days. 

Although the above points have already covered some benefits of therapy, they have mainly focused on some of the reasons an older adult might decide to seek out therapy in the first place. But for some people, they might feel like they already feel good, so why bother going to therapy in the first place? 

Of course it’s wonderful if you already feel good, and there’s never any pressure to go to therapy if you aren’t interested, but there are many benefits to speaking with someone, even if there isn’t a particular problem that you feel you need to address. And everyone benefits from sharing their feelings, so sometimes just having a dedicated time to talk about yourself each week is reason enough to stick with the habit. But aside from that, let’s look at some of the great benefits that you may see from consistently seeing a therapist, whether for a particular reason or not. 

Improve Relationships

Something that many people experience as a result of therapy is an improvement in their relationships with others. You see, even if you have good relationships with the people around you there’s a good chance you still have some people that you find tiring to be around, get into arguments with, or just feel like you have a hard time connecting with in the way you want to. 

A therapist is someone who has been trained to help you work through your own behavior and patterns so that you can find ways to better navigate through difficult conversations or how to handle it when a subject is brought up that you feel uncomfortable discussing. A therapist can help you set boundaries or be more empathetic so that you can respect your own needs while also see where someone else is coming from. 

Therapy can even help to improve relationships that are already good. You might love your grandchildren but feel like you have trouble connecting with them at times. A therapist can help guide you on ways to engage with them in ways that are more meaningful so that you can deepen those relationships. 

And, if you are dealing with something really heavy and difficult, such as the loss of a loved one or mental illness, then therapy can help improve your relationship by giving you someone to talk to who is removed from your life. While it’s obviously important to talk about these issues with the people you love, they’re not always going to be properly equipped to help you with these serious issues, and going to them as your only source of support might put a strain on your relationship. A therapist is trained to be able to handle all of that heavy emotional work, so that hopefully it’s not being put on those around you. Instead you can find ways at therapy to talk about those issues with your loved ones in a healthier way, while also leaving space for other conversations and experiences. This can lift pressure off of relationships and lead to better quality time spent together. 

Self-Care Techniques

We all know how important healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits are, but what about self-care? While the term itself might be a little newer, the idea itself isn’t, and a lot of the techniques people might use to care for their emotional health have been employed for centuries. 

Something we all learn as children is the idea of self-regulation. This means managing our emotions in a way that is appropriate for a situation. For example, as a toddler you might have screamed if you didn’t get what you wanted to eat for dinner, however, as you grew older you likely realized that doing so would not change what was on the table, and was very likely to end up in an undesirable consequence. Instead you learned to control that outburst and found ways to manage your disappointment. 

Now, we all learn some form of self-regulation, but the reality is that many of us might have not learned the best ways of managing our feelings, even if it’s not apparent to the outside world. Some people deal with intense anger, sadness, and many other emotions, and can find it very difficult to shake those feelings off. Some might hold onto resentments for years, and, as they get older it might become more and more difficult to control your feelings. You might start feeling like that screaming toddler all over again. 

A therapist can help you develop good self-regulation techniques so that your feelings don’t feel so overwhelming and you can focus on more important things. Every person is unique so there isn’t a one size fits all approach to self-regulation. You and your therapist can try out different things to find out what is the best fit for you in different situations, but here are a few techniques that people use to help them manage their emotional health. 

• Meditation. Different forms are used all over the world to help people de-stress and better manage their emotions. Meditation is generally something that you would do every day in order to see a long-term impact on your health. Depending on what works for you that might look like anything from 2 minutes to an hour a day of meditation. 
• Breathing exercises. Many people find that regular breathing exercises, especially after an intense situation, can help them calm down.
• Journaling. There’s been a lot of research that shows that writing down our experiences and emotions can give us an outlook and help us process what we’re feeling. 
• Movement. Just as exercise is good for our bodies, it’s also good for our minds. Many people find exercise or any kind of movement, like stretching to be very helpful when it comes to moving through difficult moments. 

This article was just a small list of some of the ways that therapy might be beneficial to you. There are countless other ways that people see therapy making a positive impact in their lives, so what are you waiting for? Try it out to see if it will make that same positive change for you. 

Whether you’re a career caregiver, or someone who has stepped up to care for a loved one, the role of a caregiver can be wildly rewarding and wonderful. You get to know the person you’re caring for on an entirely different level, and you tend to learn a lot about yourself along the way. Caregiving can teach patience and organizational skills, and can also help those doing it develop a healthy sense of humor. 

However, despite the many positives, caregiving can also come with a host of challenges for both parties. Tensions and resentment often rise to the top, and, if left unattended to, those feelings can quickly bubble over and become a major problem. 

Even if you feel like the relationship you have with the older adult you care for is in a good place, there are always ways to improve upon a good thing. Relationships need attention and care in order to thrive, so it’s always a good idea to pay attention to weak areas so that you can make your bond as strong as possible. So, whether your relationship is struggling or you just feel like it could use a little boost, let’s look at five ways that you can give level up and keep the relationship healthy. 

Respect

Respect is crucial in order to have a healthy relationship with someone else. But what is it exactly? The definition of respect means to hold someone in high regard and admire them, but how do you show respect and earn it in return? The answer isn’t exactly a simple one. 

Many people are going to have a different idea of how someone can be respectful to them, and for many people, it’s a feeling that they get from someone else, rather than their actions. Of course, this doesn’t mean that your actions aren’t important, but that the way you compose yourself and your general attitude is just, if not more, important than the actions you take. 

If you’re feeling lost on where to start, you might consider writing down your own list of what you consider to be respectful behavior towards yourself. Then, you can reflect on whether or not you’re exhibiting that same behavior towards the older adult you care for. 

If you feel comfortable you could also ask the older adult you care for to tell you when they feel most respected, either by you or other people around them. 

Of course, some people confuse respect for having other people doing whatever they want for them and never pushing back on unreasonable requests. While doing that is not respectful, the way you respond to those kinds of requests can determine your level of respect for that person. For example, if you find yourself in that scenario then a respectful way to respond would be to immediately let them know in a calm, kind way that you hear them and are not able to do what they wish, but offer some other solutions instead. A non-respectful way to respond would be to roll your eyes and yell, or simply not answer at all. 

So much respect is about putting judgement aside and really trying to understand someone else’s point of view. This doesn’t mean you always need to agree, but it’s making space for someone else’s feelings and not making them feel like they’re stupid or wasting your time. 

Queensland Government lays out some other great suggestions on how you can best be respectful to someone else, but some highlights include:

• Speak directly to someone. Never speak or gossip behind their back. If there is an issue you need to address, make sure you speak to them directly.
• Respond to someone as soon as possible. Sometimes people avoid responding to a request because they feel bad saying no, but it will be more hurtful and disrespectful to ignore or put off responding than it is to just politely and quickly say no. That way they can focus on finding someone else to help them instead of trying to get you to respond. 
• Be sensitive with your humor. While everyone likes a joke now and then, make sure your humor doesn’t put down the older adult you care for or is insensitive towards others.

Respect can take some time to build up, so be patient, but focusing on respect can dramatically improve a relationship, so it’s well worth the time.

Curiosity and Listening

Curiosity and listening are both key elements of respect, but they feel important enough to warrant their own spot on this list. 

Humans all share the same basic need: to be heard. Although many unfairly criticize teenagers for complaining that they are not being properly understood, it’s not just those who are going through the confusing stages of puberty that can feel like they aren’t being seen by those around them. 

Many older adults feel isolated and dismissed by their family and other members of society. And it can be easy for people to patronize members of older generations because they might not be as up to date on current technology, or might take a bit longer than others to catch up in a conversation. However, this does not mean that those in older generations are not worthy of being listened to, or that they don’t have important wisdom to share. 

The reality is that the older adult you care for has a rich inner life and is likely more than willing to talk with you about it, you just have to take the step and ask.  

Showing interest in the life of the older adult you care for can go a long way towards building trust in your relationship. However, it’s something important to remember is that listening is a huge part of how you can demonstrate your interest and care. Make eye contact, ask questions and remain engaged while they speak so that they can see that this is as meaningful for you as it is for them. 

And it’s good to remember that while most people want to be heard, not everyone wants solutions or advice. Sometimes someone might want to share something frustrating or difficult that they’re experiencing without any kind of resolution. While of course there might be times when you need to set a boundary and stop talking about something difficult (we’re covering boundaries next!), if what the person is telling you about is not harmful to you or them and it’s not something that they’re ruminating on, then the best course of action might be to simply let them process their thoughts without you providing any kind of feedback. 

When in doubt, follow advice from Medium that suggests that you ask your loved one whether or not they want any advice. If the answer is no then be prepared to sit back and listen attentively until they have said everything they want to say.  

Boundaries

It can be difficult to put up boundaries, especially if you’re doing it for the first time with someone you are very close to. Family and other loved ones might be very resistant to the idea of you not being available to them in the same way you were before, but while it might seem counterintuitive, putting boundaries in place in your relationships can strengthen your bond and help you better attend to your tasks and responsibilities. 

Stanford outlines how boundaries are important for building trust, respect and safety within a relationship, regardless of what kind of relationship it is. Yes, it’s very normal to struggle with establishing your boundaries, but reminding yourself of the positive outcomes can help you stick to them. Here are a few things to consider:

Reflect: It can be easy to speak out of turn in a moment of frustration, but it’s important to think about your boundaries and what you need when you’re feeling calm and relaxed and have time to sit down on your own. Reflect on what you need and where you’ve been struggling, and identify what you need in order to feel better. 

Specificity: Setting clear boundaries makes following them a lot easier. Boundaries might be set in several areas, for example:

Time: You might limit the time you are able to spend with your loved one to certain hours of the day or the week. 

Emotional: You might not be willing to discuss certain things, such as your romantic life or a particular trauma that you aren’t comfortable reliving. An emotional boundary might also be about the other person. If the individual you care for is dealing with some serious mental health matters then you might limit how much you are able to support them, as getting too deep could affect your own mental health or cause further issues for your loved one’s state. Instead, you might suggest they seek out professional help from a therapist.

Financial: You might set financial boundaries around how much you are willing to contribute to a loved one’s care, or whether or not you will take on the role of power of attorney. 

When setting boundaries it’s important to prioritize your own needs, and, even more importantly, that once you set a boundary you stick to it. It might feel uncomfortable, but if you bend your boundary once, then it’s very likely that people around you will try to bend it again and again. The more consistent you are the more likely that your boundaries will be respected. And, if not, then at least you can decide how you want to handle someone who constantly disrespected your needs. 

Accepting Help

While caregivers can sometimes feel like they’re all on their own, that is usually not the case. There are likely many people in your orbit who are eager to offer a helping hand to make your life easier, so why not take them up on it?

Accepting help doesn’t make them weak, it makes them human, and there’s a good chance it will also make them better and more efficient at their jobs. If you accept help, whether that’s someone picking up groceries for you, or spending an hour or two with the older adult you care for so that you can have some time to yourself, it’s going to help you better prioritize your needs and show up as a more present and engaged caregiver. 

Many older adults can be stubborn about accepting help from their loved ones, which might have already caused tension in your relationship, so if you show that you are willing to accept help from the people you love then it might have the ripple effect of making it easier for the person you care for to accept help from you. The truth is that nobody should have to go through difficult events alone, so be open to receiving support from the people who love you. 

Minding the Mind

Our final tip on how to strengthen relationships and your responsibilities is to make sure you’re taking care of your mind and the mind of the person you are caring for.

While we all know that we should care for our bodies by eating well and exercising, our minds don’t always get the same kind of attention. However, mental health not only plays a huge role in our happiness and general contentment, but also in the health of our relationships. If you or the older adult you care for are struggling with a condition like depression or anxiety, then it’s not unreasonable to assume that your relationship might be strained because of it. 

While loved ones can often be a source of support for our mental health, they might also know how to push all the wrong buttons, and when you are in a position of caring for someone else and all the responsibilities that entails, it can be easy for a minor case of anxiety to quickly spiral out of control. 

That’s why it’s so important to focus on how to care for your mind through healthy habits like exercise, meditation, getting enough sleep, spending time outside in nature, and talking to a therapist. You might also talk to your doctor to find out if they have any further suggestions on how you can best care for your mental health. 

If it’s your loved one who is struggling then you might encourage them to pursue the same healthy habits listed above. You might even both engage in some of these activities. Even if it’s only one of you who is struggling with mental health, it’s never a bad idea to practice good mental health hygiene! 

Strengthening any relationship takes time, so try not to lose patience. There are going to be some days that feel amazing, and others where it will feel like you have taken ten steps back. But, if you stick with the above tips and focus on respect, listening, and maintaining your own health and boundaries, slowly but surely you’ll be building a stronger relationship and making yourself a more responsible and attentive caregiver in the process. 

It’s natural for seniors to require a bit of help as they age. Bodies start to slow down, and it can become more and more difficult to recall memories, even for someone who stays healthy and active. 

Sometimes disease rears its ugly head and speeds up the aging process, making it difficult to think clearly, or rapidly restricting mobility. For those individuals, it’s likely they’ll need help even sooner than others. 

But for those who are otherwise healthy, there are several habits one can adopt to potentially extend the ability to be independent. Even if struggling with another condition, these are all practical tips that can benefit anyone of any age. 

If you’re an adult child who is concerned about the wellbeing of your parent, and want to help them live as independent a life as possible, then here are ways you can support them. And hey, this is good advice for yourself as well. That, or give this article to your kids for them to read when the time comes. 

Puzzles

If you don’t like puzzles…too bad, because you’re about to! Puzzles have been shown by experts via Reader’s Digest to improve memory recall, increase discipline, and just generally get our brains going. Our brains enjoy being active and learning, and challenging them with something complex like a puzzle is like giving food to our minds. Puzzles are a great activity to introduce to your parent because there are so many different kinds, and it’s something that you can do together or they can do on their own. 

If the idea of puzzles truly isn’t appealing to you or them, don’t worry – there are so many different kinds of puzzles that there is sure to be something that’s a great fit. Here are a couple of ideas:

• Jigsaw puzzles – this is the traditional kind of puzzle you might think of when you say the word, ‘puzzle.’ You spend time putting together pieces to make a picture, and then celebrate because that was hard! You can also get 3D puzzles, which can make fun decorations around the house and are also good for bragging rights. Jigsaw puzzles come in a variety of sizes so start small, maybe with a 100 piece one, to see if you enjoy it. 

• Word puzzles – this can cover a wide variety of puzzles. They might include word finds, crosswords, or games where you’re given a combination of letters and have to come up with as many different words as possible within a certain time limit.
• Rubik’s cube – a classic 3D puzzle where you have to organize a colored cube until all sides have the same color. A delightful challenge. 
• Memory games – this might take the form of cards in pairs that you have to remember, or trying to memorize a series of objects in front of you after only a few seconds of looking at them. 

There are so many other puzzle options to choose from. Try checking out your local thrift store, or going onto neighborhood community groups to see if anyone has some they’re getting rid of. There are also lots of free word games online, and most grocery and book stores carry books that have crosswords and sudoku. Before long it will likely be something that both of you look forward to doing each day. 

Get Active

A great way to encourage independence is by helping your parent’s mobility. There’s a ton of evidence that supports how beneficial exercise is to everyone, but especially to seniors who start losing muscle mass as they age. Encourage your parent to do some strength training, either through at-home videos, their local community center, or with a private trainer. Strength training will help them retain muscle, which can make them more mobile and can increase the chances of a faster recovery if they get injured. 

Along with strength training, any increase in exercise is good. Go for a walk together, or make a date to go for a weekly swim. Sometimes someone just needs a good goal to work towards, so maybe you challenge each other to walk a certain number of steps each day, or to try as many different classes at the gym as possible. You could even make bingo style cards for your activities.

Of course, if you are encouraging activity in your parent then you quite literally should be walking the walk. Nobody wants to be preached to by somebody who doesn’t follow their own advice, so get out there. Exercise is not only great for your physical health but also your mental wellness, so it’s a win win for everybody. 

Learning

As we learned from puzzles, our brains love learning, but it’s not just puzzles that benefit us. Any type of learning is good for our brains, so find out what your parent is interested in learning and help facilitate that. Maybe they want to try out a woodworking class, or have always dreamed of learning Italian. Although nothing can stop Alzheimer’s disease, it is thought that learning is one of the best ways of slowing symptoms down, as evidenced by the story of this gentleman, on CBC News, who decided to enroll at university after receiving his diagnosis. 

If you’ve ever worked out a lot and then stopped for a period of time you might notice how stiff you are when you go back to the gym for the first time. Suddenly you’re not able to reach your toes like you used to, and you can’t press the same weight as before. A similar thing happens to our brains if we’re not learning new things and providing stimulation. Of course, this doesn’t mean your parent needs to enroll in a degree (although if they want to and they have the means then that’s great!), but going to a class, watching documentaries, or even taking up something like crocheting is a great way to get their brain going and hold on to that longevity. 

Medical Appointments

A great way to increase your parent’s chance of remaining independent is by ensuring they stay up to date with their medical needs. This means going to regular doctor check ups, staying on top of medications, and making sure they follow up with a doctor or specialist if they have any concerns or need further clarification on a diagnosis. 

It’s also a good idea to talk to them about their mental health. Many seniors are fairly private about mental issues, and might keep symptoms of depression or anxiety a secret. Encouraging them to speak to a mental health therapist or counselor is a great way to keep their stress levels down and better able to focus on the more enjoyable parts of life. Often cost or finding the transportation to a mental health appointment can be a barrier to treatment, so taking them to Total Life’s website, where they can find out more about therapy over the phone, and Medicare coverage, might be helpful in terms of getting them to take the first step towards better health. 

Find Out What They Need

Stress can be very detrimental to one’s health, and sometimes seniors may hide struggles they are having from their family due to shame and embarrassment. This leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety and can eventually lead to much more serious health conditions that could have been avoided if the initial struggle had been attended too much sooner.

To avoid this, try sitting down to chat with your parent to find out if there is anything they are struggling with. This might be something like keeping up with the maintenance of their home, or keeping track of online payments. When broaching this topic, make sure you do so in a comfortable and private place so they feel safe, and make sure to keep any judgement out of your responses. You’re only asking these questions out of a genuine desire to support them and their needs. 

Then, once you find out what the issue is, you can take steps together to address them. Maybe you need to set up automatic payments for them, or help them find a handyman or gardener to take care of some of their needs. Some of the things might even be easy for you to take care of, if it’s something you feel capable and willing to take on. 

We all need help from time to time, and asking for it doesn’t take away from our independence. By finding out what your parent needs now, it might mean they need less help overall in the future. 

Good Food

Just like with exercise, it’s always great to lead by example. If your parent doesn’t have the best diet, it might be time to encourage them to start leaning into healthier habits. Many people don’t want to change their lifestyle, so if you believe their diet is truly one to be concerned about then a good place to start might be with a doctor or nutritionist who can talk through the very real concerns associated with a poor diet, such as type 2 diabetes and heart attacks. 

Again, this might be something that you tackle together. Challenge each other to add one vegetable to every meal, or to skip the sugar in your morning coffee. Little good habits can help feed into bigger ones. 

One of the biggest setbacks people face when trying to eat healthier is to attempt to cut out all junk from their diet, which often means removing everything they enjoy. Instead, try focusing on overall healthier habits, while still making time for an occasional hamburger or drive-thru ice cream. This way you can both meet your goals, while not getting hangry I the process!

Community Involvement

Some seniors struggle with a lack of purpose after they retire. That’s why volunteering can be a great way to get them engaged with their community and help them feel useful and invigorated again. Talk to your parent about what kind of causes they’re interested in, and what sort of time commitment they’d like to make, and together you can look into food options for them. 

If volunteering is not their thing, they might instead look into trying a class or going to an event at their local seniors center. That’s another great way to help them build up a support network around them, and gives them something to look forward to in their week. Even one outing a week can do wonders for someone’s mental health, and often that snowballs into other positive habits. 

Check Yourself

Sometimes adult children worry too much. They see their parents getting older, and struggling with activities that used to come easy to them. This can lead to children overburdening themselves and deciding that their parents are no longer capable of doing anything, but is that really true? Are you doing things for your parents that they don’t actually need help with? Have you let their complacency or anxiety about certain tasks get the better of you and is your helpfulness actually enabling them to become less capable?

This is never something that anybody would want to admit, but it can happen. Now most of the time this comes from a genuine desire to be helpful and supportive to someone you love, but taking away someone’s agency isn’t helping them in the long term. 

Of course, you never want to take away support that your parent genuinely needs, but take a look at what you’re already doing for them, and ask yourself if your parent really can’t take out their garbage, or pick out groceries from the store. If it’s an activity that is unsafe for them or they’re unable to do then of course keep supporting them, but if it’s something you could be a little more light handed with then it might be a good idea to take a step back. It might also be a great idea to have an honest conversation with them. Tell them you still want to help them, but you want to make sure that they stay vibrant and active, and so there might be some activities they need to push themselves to participate in. 

Remember, it’s always a good idea to practice what you preach. If your parent is struggling, and they see you doing well because you are taking care of yourself, engaging in your community and constantly learning new things, then it’s more likely that they will be inspired to do the same. It might sometimes feel difficult to incorporate all of these habits into your life, but if you start now then you’ll be better set up for your own independence when you get to your golden years.

It’s no secret that life is a series of transitions. From baby to toddler, toddler to child, and child to teenager until eventually, we become senior citizens. A major part of these transitions involves accepting some responsibilities while giving up others. Today, I want to talk about the transitions involved with pet ownership and getting older.

As anyone who’s ever had a pet can tell you, being a “pet parent” can be one of the most rewarding and heartbreaking experiences a person can embark on.  The rewards come in the form of companionship, not to mention the unconditional love that a pet gives, along with their unrelenting “cuteness.” The heartbreak comes, of course, from knowing that our relationships without furry, feathered, or scaly friends will eventually come to an end. 

In some cases, you may have a treasured family pet you had long before reaching old age. Or, like many parents, you may decide to get a pet later in life after your kids have flown the coop, much like my own parents did.  Within a few years of my moving out, my parents adopted a chihuahua named Lola, then a year later, another chihuahua named Prince, before finally adding a turtle named Marvin to the household. As a side note, I’m more afraid of their little dogs than I have ever been of pit bulls. 

Regardless of a pet’s origin story, at some point, the older people in our lives will have to give those animals up, which is one of the hardest things a person can decide to do.  So, today, I’d love to go over some ideas of how to help the senior in your life give up their pet, how to make the transition as easy as possible, and what services may offer additional help.

Why Seniors May Have To Give Up Their Pets

Humankind has long had a relationship with animals. Historically, we have kept pets to protect our homes; in other cases, it was for companionship and sometimes both. Whether for protection or mental health, the love we have for our pets is very real and deep. A recent report by Forbes tells us that the majority (66%) of US Households keep pets. Meanwhile, about a quarter of American pet owners are baby boomers.  

The unfortunate truth is that there may come a time when an older person in your life will have to give up their pet. Not because they want to, but instead because life has forced the decision upon them. And like anything in life, there could be a variety of reasons for this, a few of which I would like to highlight.  

Change in Living Situation

One common reason seniors have to give up their beloved pets is that their living situation changes. Suppose an older person currently lives in a pet-friendly house or apartment with their cat. In this case, they eventually have to move into an assisted living facility such as a retirement home. Of the over fifty-five million senior citizens in the United States, it’s estimated that about three million will at one point live in Nursing Homes.  While some retirement homes do allow pets, the truth is that many still don’t. As a result, mum, dad, or another older person in your care will have to part with their pet.

Another example may be when an older person moves in with a family member, such as one of their adult children, instead of a nursing home. However, even in this situation, issues can arise if the senior moves in with someone who lives in an apartment or building that doesn’t allow pets, or if someone in the household has allergies that would be triggered by the animal.  

Too Old To Care For the Pet

There may also come a time when the older person in your life is simply too old to take care of their pet. Let’s face it,  some pets require a lot of work. Things like cleaning after them, food, exercise, and vet visits, to say the least, take a lot of time and effort. As we get older, we just don’t have the same amount of energy to devote to a pet as we did in our youth. And as much as we love them, pets can be too much work for a person to maintain when there are so many other factors of aging at play. When this happens, it can be hard for the pet to get the care it needs, leading to suffering and further guilt felt by the aging “pet parent,” pained to know that while they are doing all they can, it’s simply not enough. This is especially true if the pet itself is getting to an age where it also needs additional attention. 

Too Sick To Care For a Pet

Medical setbacks can also be to blame for a pet not getting the care it might need. If the senior in your life is spending a lot of time at the hospital or is too ill to properly take care of their pets at home, it may be time to find the pet a new home.

The Cost Of Caring For a Pet

Something else to consider are the very real costs involved in pet ownership. This can, of course, vary by pet, since a turtle, a bird, and a dog all have different needs. But if an older person has a very limited income, spending over a thousand dollars per year on a dog can be an additional amount of stress weighing on an aging person’s mind. It can be even more of a challenge if the pet inevitably gets sick and requires expensive surgery or medication. 

In situations like the aforementioned, pet owners typically have two options: find a more accommodating living arrangement for the pet or another, far more dreaded solution. It’s important to remember that a bit of extra leg work to find the right home may be best for everyone. This way, the pet gets the chance to live in a loving home where their needs are attended to.

Talking to a Senior About Rehoming Their Pets

As our loved ones age, we have to prepare ourselves for the fact that we will have to have more than one uncomfortable talk with them. In some cases, it may be discussing Medicare or mental health. Perhaps one of the hardest discussions to have with an older adult is when to give up their pet. 

If you’re a pet owner, you probably already understand how hard that transition is.  If you aren’t, then it’s vital to keep in mind that many people love their pets as much as they do human members of their family. In some cases, a pet is an older person’s sole companion and the recipient of all of their love and affection. In 2022 alone, Americans spent $136.8 Billion on their pets, so clearly, the loss of a dearly beloved friend can be utterly crushing, especially if the older person had little to no say in the matter. 

I can’t stress enough how important it is to show compassion and patience in this situation. A change this traumatic can wreak havoc on an older person’s mental health. As such, it’s only natural for the older person to feel depressed.

When you are ready to chat about it,  try to meet with them in person in a relaxing environment so the older person will be at ease. Turn off your phone’s ringer to ensure you won’t be disturbed, then be honest about the situation. Explain to them why this big change has to happen as clearly and compassionately as you can. Maybe the new home the older person is moving to doesn’t allow pets, or perhaps you and the older person have realized the pet has become too much work for them to handle. 

If it is a scenario when the older person can no longer care for a pet and it’s putting the pet at risk to stay where it is, explain that as well. Sometimes, a senior giving up their pet is best for them both. This way, the pet can get the love, help, and attention it needs with a new owner. You can also explain that no longer having a pet may even free its former owner of certain responsibilities. For example, if the older person decides to take a trip they have always dreamed of, they won’t have the additional stress of finding someone to look after the pet while they are gone. 

So, in some ways, giving up their pet, as hard as it may be, can be a blessing in disguise. You can also let them know that you will explore all the options available and offer to allow the older person to be involved in the decisions moving forward. This way, they don’t feel as if it’s happening to them. After all, the senior you’ll be talking to is an adult who has made their own decisions for decades. 

Be Ready to Listen

It’s equally important to listen to what the older person in your life has to say. Even if it’s negative, allow them to express their feelings openly and honestly. Don’t rush them, judge them, or cut them off when they are speaking. Give all of the time they need to process this impending change. 

Don’t be Afraid To Reach Out For Additional Help

It’s perfectly natural to need additional help in situations like this, so don’t be afraid to contact a therapist for phone counseling or therapy online when talking to an older person about giving up their pets. Looking after the mental health of seniors going through difficult transitions is vital in a situation like this. 

Tips and Services To Help Rehome Pets

When the time has come to officially rehome a family pet, there are several options you and the older person in your life can choose from. It’s perfectly natural for the older person to ask you, their caregiver/loved one, to take the lead. After all, it’s a painful experience, and this sort of thing can cause anxiety and other feelings of negativity. So, when exploring these options, keep the older person in the loop. 

Friends & Family Members Looking For A Pet

If you or the person in your care has a family member, such as a child or grandchild looking to adopt a pet, this can be a great option, especially if the family member in question already has an existing relationship with the pet. It will make the transition between households a lot easier for everyone. 

Keep in mind that pet love isn’t a one-way street. When separation happens, it will affect the animal just as deeply as their former owner; this was a person with whom the animal spent the majority of their life. If the animal goes to someone they know, there will be some sense of familiarity there, and may even afford the opportunity for the former owner to visit the pet.  

Community Bulletin Boards

If the senior in your care happens to be a church or other local program member, using the community bulletin boards can also be a great option for finding new homes. It may take little more than putting up a poster with information on the pet and how to contact you as there is almost always someone looking to adopt a pet. Websites like Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace are potential options for finding new potential “pet parents.” Remember, it is always important to do a background search on the stranger you are thinking of rehoming the pet to, so you can make sure that the pet is going to a good home where it will get the love and care it needs. 

Rehome With Love, and Rehome By Adopt A Pet

If neither of the above mentioned community-based options work, then reaching out for help is always possible. You can ask your local vet if they have recommendations or you can reach out to businesses like Rehome With Love, which is a service dedicated to helping people rehome their pets. Their staff offer support during the rehoming process and help your pet find the best home possible. Another similar service is Rehome by Adopt A Pet. Both websites will allow you to create a profile for your pet in the hopes of finding a potential new home. One of the best parts of both services is that they allow you and/or the older person in your life to meet the pet’s potential new owner so you can make sure it’s the right fit, and more importantly, so you aren’t left in the dark about your pet’s fate.

Conclusion

As we’ve discussed, there are several reasons why senior citizens may have to rehome their pets. While it may be one of the hardest and most painful transitions to make, it may also be necessary for both the pet and the owner. 

A treasured family pet can be such a huge part of our lives the loss of one leaves a hole inside us that can be felt for decades. It’s important to be caring, compassionate, and patient if that time comes for the older person in your life, and remember there are resources that can help make the process smoother and easier on everyone involved.